A Shadow of My Former Ass

My Version Of A Cool Down

2006-02-22T19:05:00.000-08:00

So I stepped onto my new workout gadget... that side slide or whatever the hell it's called.

I've been fighting off a cold for almost a week now and after ten minutes on this thing I was out of breath, sweating and worn out. I'm all for pushing myself... but I also like to breathe.

So after ten minutes, I slowed down and stopped. I consider rolling the damn thing up and putting it away a "cool down."

As far as the diet goes, I was really good today... except for the whole water thing. What the hell is it about cold weather that makes it almost impossible to drink all the freaking water I'm supposed to?

Smaller Than A Treadmill

2006-02-21T11:37:00.000-08:00

So, I'm going to be moving in the next two months. I'm thrilled, it's a two-story house! Which means... running upu and down the stairs will do wonders for my ass! A house with a built-in workout, yippee!

Originally, I had planned to buy a treadmill and Total Gym, but I've decided on just the Total Gym. A couple of months ago my mom gave me a sideslide or something like that... anyway, it's a slippery mat with special booties that go on over your shoes and you can literally "skate" or "rollerblade" in place! It's a much better workout than I thought. I put off digging it out of the box... I should have been on this thing months ago.

Anyway, I've been down with a nasty cough and some allergies, so I couldn't pull off more than ten minutes (weak and pathetic, I know) of sliding. Still, it was a great ten minutes and I"m definitely going to be doing this daily. Plus, it's a cinch to store, I can roll it up and store it under my bed at the new house... much easier to deal with than a treadmill!

This afternoon I'm going to get back on the pilates track with a twenty minute workout, that will be thirty minutes of working out and who knows how much time spent packing and doing household maintenence.

;o)

Today:

2 cups of coffee, sweetened with Splenda and a splash of heavy whipping cream (almost no carbs)
1 Atkins Vanilla Shake (in the can, not bad!)
Water
1 Pria Bar - chocolate mint, tolerable, a great way to curb a sweet craving.

All this has been spread out from 7am to Noon (now)

Supplements:

1 W2W pack
Potassium
Green Tea Extract
Cortislim

A Post Worthy of the Title?

2006-02-12T12:21:00.000-08:00

Maybe... ok, got a tip on a killer butt make-over routine that can be done in - get this - 7 minutes! Check it out, from what I've read it appears that this routine might just have you screaming your ass off for the entire 7 minutes! I might give it a try.

Back to the Total Gym... I've been sticking to the diet for the last week, I've dropped a couple of pounds, but until I get back to where I was the last time I posted my little scale thing on here... I won't be posting the little scale thing back here. ;o)

The sad, pathetic fact is that I can diet myself into sheer misery but am really only going to get the results I want if I add exercise into the scenario. So, I'm back to a 20 - 30 minute Total Gym workout - DAILY and the 20 minute Pilates workout every evening - DAILY. Between those two things I lost 27 pounds last year.

My ultimate goal is a weight loss (from the exact point I am at now) of 30 pounds. From there I can decide if I want to drop another 10 - 20 pounds. Ideally, I'd love to weigh about 125... but, I know that I look pretty darn good at 140 too.

*sigh*

Savoring The Bitchy....

2006-02-06T10:30:00.000-08:00

Had a cup of coffee this morning and now am attempting to savor an Atkins shake. I use the term "savor" loosely. I took my Cortislim because I don't give a damn what anyone thinks, it actually works for me.

The cramps are kicking in now and it's making me a tad testy... if you read my other blog you can witness my PMS through my rants about the whole Rent My Blog thing.

Anyway, I'm back on the wagon after a weekend of overindulging... I don't know why I flake out on the weekends. I'm really bad about it and I'm having a much harder time getting back on track than I originally anticipated.

One day at a time... right?

Define "On Track"

2006-02-02T14:32:00.000-08:00

Picked up a few boxes of the Atkin's canned shakes. The chocolate is tolerable... at best.

Also picked up some protein bars because I am not one of those people who could survive on a liquid diet. Eventually I am going to have to chew something and if I don't have something that works with the diet on-hand to chew... I'm going to binge like an drunk at an open bar.

Finally got back on the diet track today... I don't know if that actually counts as being "on track" if it's only one day, you know?

Keeping score a bit, I've had one protein bar, 1 shake, a fried egg, green tea and water.

I can do this... I did it before. I know if I can get past the cravings at the start, then it will all become much easier.

Wish me luck!

Getting Going... I Think I Can... I Think I Can...

2006-01-30T17:39:00.000-08:00

Ahhh, another over indulgent birthday week (yes, we celebrate WEEKS around here) has come to a close. While most people jump on the resolution bandwagon around January 1st... I prefer to wait until MY new year January 26th.

Actually, I'm not big on resolutions, call me a non-conformist if you must, but I refuse to run with the rest of the lemmings making up little wishes (because they aren't really goals for 99% of people out there) that I doubt will come true, much less have any realistic plan of following up on anyway.

After a taste of weight loss success last year, I am yearning for more. What I don't understand is why it's so hard to get back INTO the groove again? It seems harder to get going again than it was to make up my mind to start to begin with.

My plan is to load up on Atkins or Slimfast shakes (the low carb, no sugar stuff) and protein bars... I know, it's not exactly healthy... but I plan to do this during the day and either have a decent breakfast or a decent dinner. Once I get the old ball rolling again I'll introduce healthy, low-carb alternatives to the high-sugar junk food I've been indulging in for the last... oh... 4 months.

The New Meaning Of "Hauling Ass"

2006-01-27T11:16:00.000-08:00

I turned 30 yesterday and already I am loving it more than I did my twenties. Of course, maybe the reality hasn't set it in yet? Hmmm... that's enough to make me super neurotic so I'll stop thinking about it.

My mom took me out for dinner last night... it was a lot of fun. The meal was not diet friendly, but oh well, you only turn 30 once right? And, of course, I am a pro at finding excuses to fuck up my diet.

I was telling her that I really want a treadmill. We're moving in a couple of months and I plan on purchasing a treadmill, Total Gym and probably a Gazelle Glider (for hubby... I hate that damn thing).

My mom loves to walk... I don't. I can't get over the fact that you walk AWAY from your car and that by the time you get tired and are done walking you have to walk ALL the way back to your car. If you are on a treadmill you just walk until you are tired and then haul your ass on over to the couch until you feel better. You know?

Overindulgence Thy Name is Ghiradelli

2006-01-25T17:02:00.000-08:00

I haven't slept in two nights. My youngest is down with a nasty bug and as most parents know, if the baby doesn't sleep... neither do you.

I grabbed a cup of coffee this morning as I ran out the door to take the older kids to school and then take the baby to the doctor. Not wanting to infect the newborns in the waiting room I opted to stand out in the hall, rocking my two-year old back and forth until my legs lost most of the feeling from the knees down.

By the time I got home today I put the baby to bed and heated up some leftover soup from last night. There were chunks of tofu and mushrooms and practically no carbs at all.

The same could not be said for the leftover Christmas candy that seemed to be screaming my name and begging me to rip into it and savor each delectable chocolatey bite.

Ever seen those romantic, sexy commercials for Ghiradelli chocolate that feature some hot chickie-pie relaxing and savoring ONE square of chocolate? Yeah, well... Bullshit.

In the time she takes to savor one I can have 4 choked down with half a glass of milk.

It's probably sleep deprivation, stress and well... I'm turning 30 tomorrow.

Moooooo, just close the pasture gate and call me Bessie.

2006-01-24T19:06:00.000-08:00

Did a 20 minute Pilates workout last night. Today I was stressing a bit and had a bit of a binge this afternoon. I don't suppose the pilates last night makes up for it, does it?

It's probably just me, but I've noticed lately that when I hit the weight I am now originally last summer, I was thrilled, I felt stronger and had more energy, most importantly, I felt slimmer!

Now, that I am at this weight and even though it is far less than what I started out at, I feel like a cow.

It's cold, so I can't bring myself to guzzle all the water I should be and every day I am finding more and more excuses to avoid following my diet.

Worse yet, here I am whining about it.

My apologies.

Tomorrow is another day... and I'll get back on the horse, bicycle or whatever the hell it is then.

It's Been Too Long...

2006-01-23T16:07:00.000-08:00

Ok, I admit, I fell off the face of the earth.

The holidays were not kind to me, in fact, I gained back over 7 pounds. Ouch.

I feel like a failure and I didn't want this blog to turn into one of those whiney blogs where post after post is an "Oh poor me!" sob story.

I'm actually ok with things. I've started working out again, I'm using Cortislim, Cinnamon, and Taurine. It's always hard to get back into the groove when you've skipped out of it for so long, but I'm trying and that's all that counts, right?

(I know, Yoda... "Try not... do.")

I just returned from a weekend getaway to the coast with my wonderful husband. We both need to lose at least 30 pounds a piece. I'd really rather prefer to lose at least 40 myself. At last count my total weight loss was about 27lbs. and after my holiday screw up I've got to lose an additional five to get back to my 27lb. spot.

I'm finding myself losing determination... which is ridiculous. I'm going to be 30 on Thursday and have every reason in the world to be determined to lose the weight. It's not even as if I'm as heavy as those people on "Biggest Loser" I'm more in the Kelly LeBrock area from "Celebrity Fit Club 3" not to compare looks... just to say that's about the weight area I'm sitting in.

I'm a solid size 12 and to me it might as well be a solid size 20... it feels every bit as large.

Auuugh!!!!

Bastard hormones.

Not Quite A Thanksgiving Lament....

2005-12-01T07:19:00.000-08:00

I over-indulged this Thanksgiving. I laughed, I drank wine, I ate pie.

I have no shame in admitting that I am in maintenence mode. The goal is to simply get through December and maintain my weight loss. Originally, I really felt that I could continue losing... but as the days go by the chances of that seem rather remote. I refuse to suffer through the holidays.

Right after Christmas - I am back in weight loss mode. No excuses.

Until then, all of my new clothes still fit, my Thanksgiving indulgence caused me to gain a few pounds in water weight which have already burned off, thankfully. ;o) I'm keeping up with all of my vitamins and supplements far more faithfully than my posts to this blog, I'm afraid.

Has anyone noticed that there have not been any NEW Kirstie Alley commercials since Thanksgiving? I'm betting that twit over-indulged with the rest of us. *evil laugh*

Screw Kirstie and Jenny...

2005-11-14T14:00:00.000-08:00

More than anything (for the most part) I cannot stand feeling like a failure.

Those damn Jenny Craig commercials with Kirstie Alley aren't helping either. I'm snarky enough to say that 50 pounds or not... that woman has still got a couple dozen more to go at least... and if I had her ass (which thankfully I don't) I would NOT be wearing those snug little dresses she likes to comically scoot around in on those commercials.

So THERE... snark, snark!

I can really be such a bitch, I know.

So, here I am just where I was the last time you checked in. Sitting happily (because it's better than the alternative I previously experienced) between 157 and 159 - given the time of day and the hormone cycle. I'm still on the W2W and just received a new shipment actually. I've also had a couple of calls from one of their nurses (you get 3 free consultations) reminding me that I still have three consultations. I can't seem to find the time to actually get on the phone uninterrupted. Most of the people I talk to don't mind if I have to pause and yank a pen away from a 22 month old - who will then in turn begin screaming at the top of her lungs.

The other reason is that I cannot stand to actually talk to strangers on the phone. I just don't like it. I used to force myself to and have now decided that this is one of those things that I really shouldn't have to subject myself to unless it is either A.) A life or death situation or B.) It is absolutely necessary and my husband is refusing to make the damn call.

So, there I am. Still watching everything that goes into my mouth (good or bad), dealing with severe allergies that make it extremely difficult to exercise (this is a nasty excuse to be lazy because I just don't want to) and fortunately watching closely enough to prevent myself from gaining back anything that I have struggled to peel off.

Cinnamon...

2005-11-02T10:11:00.000-08:00

Ok... just got my daily tip from Dr. Weil (yes, I am subscribed to his daily tips and articles. Occasionally I find them most informative!)

Studies have shown that cinnamon can help diabetics control their blood sugar.

So, cinnamon, cayenne, and vinegar...

More simple kitchen staples that can help in controlling blood sugar.

Interesting, eh?

Today I surfed over to www.vitaminshoppe.com and placed an order for

Apple Cider Vinegar plus Cayenne and Grapefruit Rind - capsules
Cinnamon extract capsules
Garlic - which may or may not have any impact on blood sugar, but I've noticed that when I take these regularly it helps with loads of things from blood pressure, digestion, and preventing colds.

I don't believe I mentioned the other day... but I also regularly take that disgusting tasting Noni juice crap because it is supposed to help regulate hormones.

With all the supplements it's a wonder I ever get hungry.

Still... I guess I'm a bit superstitious because I was using all of these things and losing weight. Even now when I don't adhere to my diet as strictly as I should I don't GAIN weight back... so I'm a little leery of dropping ANY of them for fear of the fat sneaking up and attaching itself to my ass, thighs, stomach or wherever.

Vinegar and Blood Sugar Control

2005-11-01T19:03:00.000-08:00

I was reading the message boards over at SoulCysters.Com and someone mentioned that they were using vinegar to control their blood sugar. I haven't had the time to research it online but I sure plan to.

Oddly enough though, when I was really on a roll with the weight loss and the weight was just peeling off I was taking Taurine and Apple Cider Vinegar Capsules with Grapefruit rind and Cayenne. Earlier today I was reading a website that had a product for diabetics that was all-natural and it contained Cayenne as just one of its' ingredients. Taurine is a supplement that I read about on Pam Ptyza's PCOS page (see link on the left over there) it's one of the main ingredients in Sugar-Free Red Bull.

Could it be that there are natural and organic remedies in our kitchens that can help regulate blood sugar and reduce if not completely eliminate insulin resistence?

I've already seen where vitamins and progesterone cream have begun to regulate my cycles and reduce other symptoms of PCOS as well.

Lately, I've been poking around the Net more in search of more information on current PCOS treatments. It's both disheartening and sort of refreshing to see that while more and more sources are siting Insulin Resistence as the root cause of PCOS most of the treatments that are recommended are a lot of the things I am already doing. (vitamins, diet changes, exercise, natural supplements)

Sure, there is always glucophage or metaformin (diabetic medications that have been used with success with PCOS patients) but I'm not fond of putting more chemicals into my body than I already am. Still, it's certainly an advancement compared to the old stand-by of "got PCOS? Don't want to get pregnant? Great... here are some birth control pills, now go away."

And, birth control pills are only a band-aid. Without significant diet and lifestyle changes the PCOS symptoms can return... only WORSE.

So, on one hand I'm pleased that I know the right things to do and can do them without killing myself. On the otherhand, I'm disappointed that there isn't some magic pill to make it all go away.

Don't get me wrong... I miss sugar, I miss bread and I'm not giving up caffeine or the occasional adult beverage.

Moderation... find a happy medium and just keep trying, I guess.

PCOS and Weight Loss/Gain

2005-10-30T06:57:00.000-08:00

Recently had a comment from amka, who has a very interesting blog! She asked if PCOS was affecting my weight loss.

Absolutely. Not only is it the cause for my weight gain, it definitely poses a challenge where weight loss is concerned. The main sticking point, if you will, is that traditional dieting with PCOS does not work, at least for me. I should preface this by saying that I am NOT a Doctor, Nutritionist, or anything in the medical field. I can really only speak from my own personal experience and that is what this blog is really about.

For years I wondered why I could ONLY lose weight if I went on a low-carb diet. Now I know... I have insulin restistence - counting calories alone will not do it for me. Believe, I starved myself on the "Points" system for months with NO result whatsoever. I started on a Low Carb diet and the weight just melted off, it was almost like magic.

Staying away from sugar for so long now let's me see how terrible it makes me feel when I do have it. I feel like I have ingested some form of poison if I eat very much. I feel sluggish and sick. No wonder I spent so long being uncomfortable and miserable. Still... don't think I don't crave sugar... I do... but I find other types of substitutes or I indulge just a little not enough to make me sick.

I recently read an article online that I found extremely interesting. It would almost appear that the medical community is beginning to catch up on this serious health problem we call PCOS. I won't get into the fact that the name itself is WRONG (why are we labeling a disease by one of its' symptoms? "Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome").

"NEWER TREATMENTS
Rather than focusing on relieving specific symptoms, the newer treatments aim at what may be the root cause of PCOS, ie insulin resistance. Many of these new therapies are designed to lower insulin levels and, thus, reduce production of testosterone.

Investigational Therapies
New evidence suggests that using medications which lower insulin levels in the blood may be effective in restoring menstruation and reducing some of the health risks associated with PCOS. Lowering insulin levels also helps to reduce the production of testosterone, thus diminishing many of the symptoms associated with excess testosterone: hair growth on body, alopecia (hair loss), acne, obesity and cardiovascular risk."

(taken from link above)

Up until quite recently most doctors treated PCOS based on whether or not the patient wanted to get pregnant. It's mainly seen as an infertility problem. Which is an absolute tragedy given that PCOS regardless of fertility or desire to achieve pregnancy, puts patients at SERIOUS risk for endometrial cancer, uterine cancer, fibroid tumors, endometriosis, type II Diabetes, and most importantly Cardiovascular disease... not to mention that chronic insulin spikes cause serious damage to other organs.

Gee, I wonder if there might be a connection to heart disease being the number 1 killer of women and PCOS? Am I the ONLY one seeing a possible connection here?

The article above points out that there are now studies going on to evaluate the use of insulin controlling medications and their effects on patients with PCOS.

Metformin (Glucophage) to regulate blood sugar and improve insulin sensitivity

Many of the women I have read about on different PCOS message boards are on this medication already. Many had to fight their doctors or change doctors just to get a prescription for it.

I have not gone that far yet. I'm a firm believer that I can control this with diet (low carb, no sugar), exercise, and vitamins. Although, I am on Lexapro for Generalized Anxiety Disorder and Depression - which is another offshoot problem of PCOS.

I recently read some very interesting information on vinegar and its' effect on blood sugar. I'll post about that tomorrow!

Post Lapse, W2W and Diet Cherry Vanilla Dr. Pepper

2005-10-30T06:29:00.000-08:00

It's been quite a while since I posted here. I haven't had anything new to report... which is to say that I haven't lost more weight. ;o)

I didn't realize that people were actually reading this blog. The last few comments I've received have been of the "spam" nature, so I apologize, sincerely to those of you who have stopped by and were met with old posts. Many thanks to Joyce, who brought this to my attention by posting a comment/question on my other blog.

Joyce asked if I was still using the W2W (Women to Women) system. I am still using it and wouldn't give it up for anything. I have noticed a definite improvement in my energy level and the way I feel in general. I hate getting too graphic (even if my blog title implies otherwise) - but within 3 weeks my cycle returned and followed on time the month after that as well.

I've been a little less than aggressive in dieting recently. Although, I have managed to maintain the weight loss and am still happily sitting at 157. I have not been as diligent in persuing the time to workout regularly. Life gets in the way and if I'm not careful the holiday menus will as well. ;o)

In other news, while I have sworn off sodas with 99% success - I have to admit to developing a strong liking for Diet Cherry Vanilla Dr. Pepper. I think it's the very first diet soda I've ever had that I didn't have to tolerate the icky "diet" aftertaste. It's actually really good!

Back On Track - Finally!

2005-10-13T10:07:00.000-07:00

Two more pounds down and that much closer to my goal of 140! This has not been easy... but it hasn't been quite as hard as I once imagined. It's funny how when you get going and start creating new habits it just isn't the giant undertaking that was once too overwhelming to consider attempting.

I'm far more than half way to my goal. Now, I just hope I can get the rest of this off by Thanksgiving. I know I have major temptations coming up in November and December. I'll be making fudge, toffee, and cream cheese mints... just to name a few treats. I won't allow myself to be sunk... but I don't plan on depriving myself during my favorite time of year either.

I know it will be impossible for me to over indulge - I can't handle too much sugar without getting REALLY sick ... which is a great thing, actually.

No Such Thing As A Sleepy Dieter...

2005-10-05T16:12:00.000-07:00

I admit to a momentary lapse of sanity when I chose to go off caffeine cold turkey. By 9pm I had a ear-bleeding headache and I don't have the attention span to even attempt to ride something like that out. It's just not going to happen.

I figure I've dropped about 26 pounds WITH caffeine - I can manage another 20... I just have to buckle down and get to business. No big deal.

That being said, I'm happily caffeinated today... coffee and tea.

I'm also off the freaking Shwarzbein principal diet. I'm sure it's a great diet... and perhaps I'll use it as a maintenance program when I've lost the last 20 - until then... I'm sticking to low-carb because I know it works.
Well, it works when I stick to it anyway... which as of today - I am 100% on board.

Breakfast - steak and eggs

Lunch - leftover steak, string cheese, and a salad.

Mourning The Loss Of A Dear Friend...

2005-10-03T09:43:00.000-07:00

*sigh*

Caffeine... my friend, my supporter, my comfort...

Today, I give you up...

But, I will keep in close touch with your friend, decaf, while not as flavorful or inspiring as you... I hope it will make the hole that you will undoubtedly leave, just a bit smaller.

That's right, I'm turning over a new leaf (no autumn pun intended here). I've decided to quit caffeine cold-turkey. And, today marks my first day on the Shwarzbein principal. I've decided to go gung-ho and eliminate these last 20 pounds.

So, pardon the sleepy posts that will undoubtedly follow. I have my concerns over the lack of stimulants in my system... will I be able to hold a conversation? Drive? Remember to pick up the kids? Can I live without my beloved iced tea? What exactly will I order when I take the kids through Sonic?

So many questions... and the answers will come in time, I'm sure.

Until then, I bid a fair adieu to my beloved caffeine. We'll be together again... someday.

A Great Pair Of Cords...

2005-09-29T09:54:00.000-07:00

I have to apologize for the lack of consistent posting lately. The only excuse I can possibly give is that sometimes, "life gets in the way..."

Anyway, I spent last weekend at Pismo Beach, we rented a house for my husbands birthday. We had so much fun and ate a lot of really great food. I completely skipped the carb counting and just relaxed and had a good time.

I know, I'm not quite as dedicated as I was a few months ago. Although, I'm not gaining anything back, thank goodness. I think mentally I've just created a barrier that basically says, "I'm only willing to go so far" and certainly not in the direction of largers numbers on the bathroom scale.

My weight fluctuates 2-3 pounds, fairly typical.

This past weekend I fit into a size 10 at the Bass Outlet. A cute pair of chocolate cords, they were 30% off - but I'd have bought them at full price. I never thought I'd slip into a size 10, easily, ever again. I'm thrilled!

On top of that... I'm finally able to buy clothes at American Eagle... one of my favorite stores.

I'm not 100% happy with where I am now... I've got another 20 pounds to lose, at least. But, I'm much happier than where I was 6 months ago. The biggest issue is to maintain the weight and not go back the other direction... I think I can manage that. I've really established a lot of good habits and I've eliminated the majority of sugar and carbs in my diet.

Although, I am still considering going on the Shwarzbein Principal diet. It's a little bit more lenient than straight low-carb. I'm thinking about doing it throughout October. I've still got a couple of days to decide. If I do start it, I'll start on Saturday the first. A fresh start, clean slate on the first day of the month. That's probably just what I need.

Successes and Failures...

2005-09-22T14:53:00.000-07:00

Loser... and not in the good "weight loss" sense of the word either.

You may recall that my ultimate goal was a 50lb. weight loss by my husband's birthday.

The deadline was YESTERDAY... and the sad fact is that I only made it to a little over half of my goal. I've lost a whopping 26 pounds since committing to this little adventure just 6 months ago. Rather pathetic, don't you think?

Still... I'm committed. But, I have to tell you... I now KNOW the secret.

Exercise.

Period.

Dieting only gets you so far... and a comfortable diet can help you maintain any weight within 2-4 pounds. But, without a regular exercise routine there just isn't going to be much weight loss. Since trying to get over this cold I have slacked off on my exercise routine and it appears that my weight loss has stalled. I'm trying not to beat myself up about it, but that is easier said than done.

So, I've decided that Monday morning (why not today? Tomorrow? Because I am going away for the weekend and I am going to relax and have a good time, I'll also be monitoring my carb/sugar intake... but I'm not going to sweat this weight loss stuff right now) I am going to recommit myself to my weight loss efforts. In fact, I am going on the Shwarzbein Principal diet for 28 days. Combining that with regular exercise I think I can get my diet back on track.

I'll update you on the exact diet and my progress as I go along.

I'm going to have to create a new goal as well...

Wish me luck!

What A Good Cold Can Do...

2005-09-13T14:07:00.000-07:00

I really cracked down on the water, even while battling a cold. I don't know about you, but I have the hardest time drinking water when I'm sick. It's just not a comfort drink for me. Even though I was sick, I tried to work out yesterday, I even made it through almost 3 sets of my lower body workout on the Total Gym.

I've observed something recently... a lot of people are sticking with water at meals. I've cut out sodas, even diet sodas... they are just a huge no-no for me. I've even cut out wine at dinner, I used to have at least one glass 3 - 4 times a week with dinner. Not anymore... I go weeks without consuming any alcohol. But, I havent' cut out coffee or iced/hot tea. Typically, I drink water in-between meals and coffee in the morning, iced tea with lunch and/or dinner.

Am I missing out on some key component here? To be healthy should I be eliminating all beverages on a daily basis with the exception of water?

I have to wonder... I really do.

Yikes!!!!

2005-09-08T16:05:00.000-07:00

Well... well... well... I can tell you that this was certainly an unwelcome sight. I jiggled, I bounced, I swore, I threatened, I begged, I cajoled, I attempted to bribe. Still, that SOB in the bathroom resigned itself to read a dreary 161. And seemed to admonish me with a "don't push your luck!"

Now, don't bother going back to previous posts, I admit... that's a 3 pound weight GAIN.

Am I annoyed? Yes.
Frustrated? Absolutely.
Willing to throw in the towel? Not a snowball's chance in hell.

My mother assures me that muscle weighs more than fat and that I have been "working out like a fiend" (her words NOT mine). With the exception of the weekends, I am still working out at least 30 minutes a day on the Total Gym and at least three days a week I do a 20 minute Pilates workout on top of that.

I probably need to start hitting the Gazelle Glider an additional 20 minutes... but I really detest that thing. It makes me feel clumsy and uncoordinated.

Now, I admit to falling off the wagon on the weekends... a bit. But, since Monday I've been straight... I haven't waivered. I've ordered my burgers without buns, I've avoided temptation, I had eggs and bacon for breakfast this morning, I had nuts as a snack. I'm really trying to stick with the program here...

One thing I am not quite up to par on is water consumption. The weather has cooled slightly (high 80's low 90's) and I'm just not diving in like I have in the past. My fault, my problem, I know. I'm pushing about 50 ounces a day... but I should really be doing at least 80 ounces a day. That's 30 ounces shy... and I do know that the carb cravings tend to disappear when I have my water up to the designated level.

What I fear (and it is a fear) is having to give up caffeine. I've read at various diet sites and msg boards (pertaining to weight loss, low carb, and PCOS) that when all else fails, giving up caffeine can do the trick. The problem is that I'm a hardcore Starbuck's addict. I grind the beans at home, I run through the drive through at least 4 days a week. I don't DO well without caffeine.

Problem is... I want to be thin, healthy and have my caffeine fix.

Isn't that terrible?

The Jackass In The Bathroom

2005-08-31T10:52:00.000-07:00

Had a morning meeting with my arch-enemy Bathroom Scale this morning. Considering that I've had some issue with water weight for the last week or so I'm pretty pleased at the results this morning.

I'm also back to my normal workout routine, so the goal is to drop 8 pounds by my husband's birthday.

Here is where the jackass in the bathroom tells me I am now...

Wish me luck!

Shwarzbein... Atkins... Southbeach... OH MY!

2005-08-25T21:59:00.000-07:00

I've waited too long between posts... I'm still experiencing "issues." So I'm not going to update my weight until I feel it is accurate. I won't bore you with gory details. Let's chalk it up to "water weight" and let sleeping dogs lie.

The kids are back in school and I am back to regular 30 minute Total Gym workouts at least 4 days a week. By next week I expect to be back to my 30 minute morning routine and my 20 minute Pilates routine in the evening.

I'm trying to stick with the low-carb thing. Atkins has gotten me where I am thus far... I admit, I am afraid to try anything else.

In my W2W kit I did receive a lovely copy of The Schwarzbein Principal. It's a cross between Atkins and Southbeach... that's kind of general. But, there is also a large amount of time devoted to "damaged fats." Yes, it's almost as confusing as it sounds.

Still, there is a 4 week meal plan complete with recipes. Supposedly you only have to stay on that version of it (kind of like induction) for 4 weeks. After than you can go to a more relaxed version. But, this is supposed to heal your metabolism.

I'm tempted to try... but afraid to go away from what has been working.

Any thoughts?

WomenToWomen Update

2005-08-22T22:09:00.000-07:00

Without going into graphic detail... I'm thrilled with my purchase of the W2W personal supplement system. After 1 week I am noticing a difference. A certain spring in my step...

More importantly, I'm noticing a hormone shift in the right direction.

I'm not posting my current weight because I haven't weighed myself in a few days. It's a female thing. The kids have gone back to school, I'm back to my Total Gym workouts, and as soon as things level out - we'll see where my weight is. At last check I was sitting at 159... sure hope I am still below the 160 mark by the time I have my next early morning appointment with my buddy Mr. Bathroom Scale.

Notice I have applied a male personality to my scale?

There are some similarities... none of them complimentary to either a man or the bathroom scale.

Women To Women...

2005-08-11T14:21:00.000-07:00

I finally broke down and ordered from www.womentowomen.com - it's geared for PCOS, Peri-menopausal, and post menopausal support. I've researched, I've looked and this is only one of two places that I have found a complete, natural, system to help restore hormonal balance.

You may recall that not too long ago I swore I would attempt to put together similar supplements on my own because I was not about to pay that much. It's about $270 for a 90 day supply, but they do bill in installments. Now, that may seem exorbitant. But, if it works and according to women who have tried it, they've been able to get off the anti-depressents, than it will be worth it. Plus, if I were to put together all the supplements I should be taking, on my own, I'd be popping pills all day!

I'm not big on pill popping... but, I'm not too keen on having panic attacks either. Given the choice I'll be a pill popper with a big smile on my face!

My symptoms are pretty severe, so I did opt to go with the "severe symptom" product line. But, if you symptoms aren't as severe, you can get away with paying less. They have a nifty quiz you can take to see exactly where your symptoms line up with women your age. It's very interesting and the entire site is very informative.

D-I-E-T not so much fun to spell...

2005-08-08T10:26:00.000-07:00

In case you haven't noticed the first three letters in the word diet are d-i-e. Doesn't that just make you feel all warm and fuzzy inside? There is no wonder why the mere prospect of a diet gives people the heebie-jeebies and cold sweats!

Which is why I've adopted the completely B.S. sounding theory of "lifestyle change." As bogus as it sounds... I keep thinking that if I just accept this as a life sentence instead of a death sentence it will make the whole weight-loss process easier.

In truth, I have noticed that the longer I do this whole low-carb thing, the less I crave the carbs and, really, they don't taste all that great when I do have them. The obvious exception being chocolate, cheesecake, and my new-found love pies. Although, truthfully, I don't feel so great after indulging. It usually makes me sick... except for the pies.

I did my usual tango with the grim reaper of dieting, also known as the bathroom scale, this morning with happy results, finally!

Lava Colada and Pilates :o)

2005-08-03T21:05:00.000-07:00

If you were hoping that I was going to have some nifty recipe for a fruity drink with no carbs... keep dreaming. Although, I am tempted to investigate those happy little things that Kim Catrall has been vamping in recent commercials.

If anyone has tried those and they are worth a damn... let me know, please.

Today was my mom's birthday so I booked us for pedicures complete with foot masks and massages! She ended up with a summer pink nailpolish with blue and yello polka dots on her big toes (very retro... gorgeous!). My pedicurist (is that a word?) was not as creative... so I've got shimmery bright pink nailpolish with no nail art :o(

Still... mom commented on how my arms are toning up. Eventually, I'm considering putting up "before" and "after" pics, but at the moment I just don't have the guts to do it. ;o)

We had lunch at El Torito, it was fun. She had a couple of peach margaritas (woo hoo!) and I had a Lava Colada, which is a Pina Colada with a Strawberry swirl. All fruity, strong, and no doubt, filled with carbs.

Good grief, I'm not sticking with the program too well this week, am I?

I came home, started pounding water and did a 20 minute pilates workout (still love that), followed by another 20 minutes of whatever-the-hell you call those things where you step up on the fanny-lifter one leg at a time over and over again until you want to cry... or scream if you are more the Braveheart type workout enthusiast. I finished up with arm toning using weights.

Yippee Skippee.

I'm not eating anymore today either... that would be to make up for dessert...

You see, I didn't stop at the Lava Colada. I finished with 3/4 of a "Chocolate Volcano" cake complete with Dulce De Leche ice cream and hot fudge sauce. What can I say? It was chocolate!
Oh, and I also had a tiny bite of my mom's birthday flan. Which was quite tasty, but lacked in chocolate. ;o)

I finally got around to placing the order for my diet supplements. I firmly believe that the following items had a lot to do with my weight loss:

Cortislim
Taurine
Apple Cider Vinegar with Cayenne and Grapefruit rind caplets

I also ordered the Zipfizz that Scott over at www.scott-o-rama.com recommended. It already looks better than sugar-free Red Bull. If it is - I'm ordering a freaking case... or two!

Fanny Lifting and Iced Coffee

2005-08-02T20:29:00.000-07:00

Still holding at 162... did a 50 min. Pilates workout today because I just couldn't stand to look at the afore mentioned skinny, implanted, lipo'd, blonde hags anymore. Besides, I love doing the pilates workout. Although, my ab muscles usually kill me the next morning... at the moment though, my rear is pretty sore, no doubt from my aerobic/fanny lifting joyride yesterday...

Wait that last part probably didn't come out quite the way I wanted it to, that could get completely misconstrued...

Kinda like the time someone told me that she loved that I "shoot straight from the hips" and I looked at my third child and said, "well, not anymore... that one was my last shot."

Anyway, enough of my yackin' (for you Tap fans out there)...

Thought I would give you my special recipe for iced coffee low-carb style...

I am a Starbuck's addict, I love a good iced cafe americano with sugar-free vanilla and cream. Don't get on to me about caffeine and dieting, blah blah blah... I couldn't care less. I lost the first 20lbs. drinking Starbuck's every day (5 days a week, that is).

My version...

Ice, add a good shot of sugar-free vanilla Torani syrup (and a dash of s-f caramel if you like)
Fill with Coffee
Drizzle in heavy cream, to taste

Stir...

Voila`

;o)

Pretty simple. Really tasty!

There Is A Sweaty Line Between Love and Hate...

2005-08-01T18:33:00.000-07:00

Ok, let's get this one out of the way right now...

For the record, that 22lbs. to go is my first weight goal. That's the one where you say, "Gee, if I could just get down to XXX, I'd be thrilled!" That's what 140 represents to me.

Now, my ideal weight is between 128 - 132. I'd be over the moon with that range.

So, just what am I doing to achieve that?

Well, I'm back on my workout routine. I hate, with a passion, doing "hop about the room like a freaking ninny" aerobics. Cannot stand it... it's like that line from "City Slickers" where Phil goes a bit bonkers at the birthday party and says, "If hate were people... I'd be CHINA!!!!" - that's me where aerobics is concerned.

So, I'm very proud of myself that I managed to pull off 25 minutes of fat burning, muscle building, cursing at the little skinny people on the screen, aerobics today. From there I went into my 20 minute pilates routine, which I love... love with a deep, unabiding, passion.

That's sounds a wee bit strange, doesn't it? But, I do... I unapologetically love to bend and contort around the family room floor... far better than I like "double step touch and squat, drag the foot, and double step touch... now power march!"

Stupid, skinny, blonde, breast-implanted, lipo'd, hags. #!@#$#@#$%#!

Current Weight Loss Goal:

Lose 8lbs. by Sept. 01

That's 5 weeks to drop 8lbs. Now, I think that is more than reasonable. Besides, 10 is more realistic and I'd be absolutely stoked if I pulled that off. Still, baby steps... baby steps!

Damn The Farmer's Market... Damn Them!

2005-07-30T16:04:00.000-07:00

Ok, it's not their fault. I know... it's me. I visited the Avila Valley Barn yesterday in Avila Beach, CA.

Me and my damned weakness for cherry cobbler. Especially with their granola topping. Fresh cherries, crisp, sweet granola topping... all fresh from the oven. Only someone with a heart of stone and a black hole where their taste buds should be could resist.

I would post a picture... but I'm afraid the carnage we have left behind would be too much for even someone with only a casual interest in good, old-fashioned, hearty desserts to bear. I admit, I've been very bad. But, I don't regret even a single bite of that sweet, tart, summer treat.

How terrible is it that this is supposed to be a weight loss blog and yet I'm discussing sugar-filled baked items while supposedly set into a low-carb lifestyle? It's pretty bad, I admit. But, I also never felt that this should strictly be a "good news" blog about how I'm dropping pounds left and right and am down another size with each post. How ridiculous is that? (Although... how great would that be?) No, I think it's better to just lay it all out the good, the bad, and the fattening. Why the hell not?

BTW - tip here - did you know that heavy cream (not half and half) has no carbs? Yes, it has fat - but that's essentially ok on a low-carb regimen. I use it in my coffee with a sugar-free flavored syrup or just some splenda. I also drizzle it over frozen (or fresh) berries since blueberries, raspberries, and strawberries are so good for you and when used in moderation are totally fine on a low-carb diet.

Now, here is the bad news... unless there is some sort of diet miracle, I won't hit my Aug. 3 goal... which as you may recall, was to lose 8 pounds. :o(

Gotta get back on that horse and watch it (aka no splurging) until I hit that goal.

Lunch With Mom...

2005-07-28T20:09:00.000-07:00

I was at my mom's house today we had a "light" lunch. An asian salad with grilled chicken and a mexican salad with grilled chicken. Both were really great... unfortunately, we had chocolate chip cookies (fresh from the oven) for dessert. On the lighter side, we did wash it down with a nice peach tea from Crystal Light.

That almost sounds like the people who order a big mac, large fries, and a diet coke... doesn't it?

Things won't be any better tomorrow, we are going over to San Luis Obispo for the day. It will be cooler and we'll have direct access to home made pies from the Apple Farm. I can feel my rear expanding already. Auuugh!!!!

Going to do the 20 minute Pilates workout tonight... although I am tempted to try the 50 minute workout again, just because it has a longer leg/butt series than the 20 minute workout. I have to admit, I love working my thighs and rear... lift... LIFT... I NEED LIFT!!!

I feel like I have sluffed off a lot lately... it was easier to do this when the kids were in school and I was at my mom's every morning to work out on the Total Gym (which I love!). I never thought I would enjoy working out and I've never been one of those people who is "inspired" by results, but I do like the results I'm getting and I do like how working out makes me feel afterward...

Cutting and Grilling - No Steak Involved

2005-07-27T21:46:00.000-07:00

I was having my hair done the other day (a very short cut that I love!) and the lady who does my hair kept grilling me on what I had done to lose so much weight (and to think, I've still got another 20 pounds, minimum, to go!). I explained to her that I was doing a low-carb thing and exercising.

I don't remember how it came up, but she started mentioning fluctuating Seratonin levels. I think this was in reference to chocolate or sugar or something. I explained that I didn't have to worry too much about that because I'm on medication to balance that out - the seratonin, that is. (sugar cravings and chocolate cravings are a whole other ball game) I told her that I had been diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder and depression. She said, "Doesn't everybody have that? I mean, all young mothers have that."

Now, here is what I have come to realize; people do not understand what GAD with Depression really is. Having severe panic attacks where you can't function and have chest pains so bad that you think you are having a heart attack - is not normal. Worrying to the point of not being able to function and not being able to control it - is not normal. And, yes, I absolutely believe that a good deal of this issue can be blamed on postpartum depression aka "hormonal imbalance" as well. Again, I don't have professional medical training on this... but I do know my own body and know this is the case with me.

Weigh In - 6am

2005-07-20T20:00:00.000-07:00

That's right... I happened to wake up (thank you 18mos. old monster!) around 6am and after fetching a bottle and doing that normal morning routine I did indeed step on to enemy #1 - the bathroom scale.

Boy was I in for a shock!

I have not been as faithful to my diet or my exercise routine - mainly due to the heat. 109, 108, 107 - is just too hot. And, who the heck wants to eat meat or eggs in that kind of heat? Not I, I'm afraid.

Have kept up with the water and lots of green tea though.

Still... I didn't expect the scale to tell me that I was actually down another pound. Still, I'm happy and certainly am not going to look a gift horse in the mouth. Would you?

It's probably because while I say I'm not sticking to my diet - I'm actually eating a lot less because it's just too damn hot.

Anyway - here it is...

Save Me From Krispy Kreme

2005-07-18T18:51:00.000-07:00

It's 105 right now... it's supposed to be 109 tomorrow. We have a heat advisory... and it's poor air quality. I'm retaining more water than a brand new kitchen sponge.

I'm downing ice tea and water like mad... and still not getting the desired effect. ;o)

I'll be placing an order with a lovely little online store this week for several necessities. I found I was losing more weight when I was on Cortislim (I don't know about weight loss in general but between the PCOS and Atkins - Cortislim worked VERY well!).

So, Cortislim is on the list, as is Taurine, and the apple cider vinegar/Cayenne pills. The latter, I found made a wonderful natural diuretic and apple cider vinegar is supposed to have multiple health benefits as well.

I'm also going to do a system detox that is supposed to clean out your digestive system. I feel a good detox is in order because not only am I retaining water, but I'm breaking out horribly. I think it's the heat and the hormone imbalance. But, mainly the heat because I haven't broken out like this in a few years. It's insane!

Obviously, I'm not getting an accurate weight in the mornings because of the water retention, but then, my clothes are fitting better all the time it seems like. So, I know I'm not gaining fat back... still, the scale and I are not on friendly terms these days.

A Summer Place...

2005-07-11T00:10:00.000-07:00

I was sitting here mentally composing my next blog post when the faint strains of the theme to "A Summer Place" came through the baby monitor. Even before I saw the movie for the first time (ten or eleven years ago) I always felt that it was a very bittersweet melody. Still do. Hearing that completely threw me off tonight.

It's nearly midnight my time and another weekend has flown by. I've managed to drop a couple of more pounds over the last week. Which means that I have officially lost 24 pounds in about two and half months. Certainly can't complain about that. Although, I still have at least 25 more to go...

My original weight loss goal was 144 but, I'm thinking now that 135 would be better.

DH and I are not getting along very well... I'm not quite sure why, but I have some theories. We haven't spoken much this weekend but we have exchanged some nasty emails, that's always fun. I am fighting the urge to eat everything in the house containing even the smallest fraction of sugar. I know it's part of that nasty stress cycle that's causing this and I know the stress is because of the problems with dh.

All of this is causing the GAD to rear it's ugly head worse than usual. Which reminds me, I need to call in my refill for Lexapro. Splendid. I am getting flashes of last fall when I was having panic attacks fairly regularly. Truth be told, I'm feeling a little depressed too.

Instead of eating the left over peach pie in the fridge and then gorging on the ice cream in the freezer I decided to attempt something a bit more healthy. Yesterday, I used my body mask from Bath and Bodyworks, while it was drying I did some toning exercises. Then I took a long shower and shaved my legs. I actually felt better afterward.

Today things still weren't going very well... so I ate the peach pie. ;o) But, thenI reigned in my cravings and did some exercises, took another shower and used that Neutrogena Micro-Dermabrasion (sp.) system. It works really well, I'm happy with the results!

If things aren't looking better tomorrow - I'll give myself a pedicure and manicure... then I'll paint Kate's nails too!

Holding Fast... By My Toenails!

2005-07-08T22:28:00.000-07:00

Had a wonderful, treat-filled, cheat-filled 4th of July weekend. I had chocolate (the real deal), pizza, clam chowder, garlic fries and barbecue.

I didn't give a care... I am setting an awful example, aren't I?

Per Pam's advice (see link in the right column) I kept up with the Taurine, water, etc. When I got home I weighed myself the following morning and found that I was sitting at 164! Not bad. Can't complain considering all the bad stuff I embarrassingly gorged on all weekend.

Still, I have to admit the new version of gorging is hardly anything compared to the old version. The old me stuffed herself until she wanted to puke and then ate some more. It was like living in a giant black-hole of cravings.

Instead, I came away from vacation and back to reality looking forward to leaping back into my old routine. The only part of the routine that I haven't hopped back into is the exercise. Tomorrow I am back on my pilates routine... as any mother probably knows sometimes coming back from vacation is harder than not going at all. The laundry... the house... ugh. So, I haven't been sedentary... just haven't worked out. LOL

Still, I'm happy with how I look and am getting better every day! I can't wait to lose another 20 pounds! I feel so much lighter and healthier from just the 20 I've lost! It's amazing.

I firmly believe in setting smaller goals that lead up to big goals - so my next goal is to lose 8 pounds by my mom's birthday, August 8th... I think that is pretty reasonable. That's 3 1/2 weeks to drop 8 pounds. I can do that!

Shaved A Pound... Maybe Two!

2005-07-01T23:33:00.000-07:00

Well, my hard work this week has most likely paid off... I weighed myself this afternoon, after lunch, and only weighed 165... AFTER LUNCH... MIDDAY!!!

I'll update tomorrow when I get a chance to weigh myself first thing in the morning!

I'm getting ready to enjoy the holiday weekend... twenty pounds lighter. I'm thrilled. I'm also not going to be so stressed over my diet this weekend either. Not that I am going to go wild and blow it... if I fudge, I always try to compensate somehow... and I don't go too far with the fudging either.

For example, the other morning I made Maggie (my 18mo. old) some toast with peanut butter. She ate a whole piece and part of another and I took a couple of bites. Literally, just a couple of bites. Now, the old me, would have eaten the rest of the other piece of toast and probably made a couple more slices. So, I consider that another small victory. I've changed my eating habits a lot. They aren't perfect... I still do things I shouldn't, like having coffee, even though I use splenda and whole cream (no carbs).

Fact is, twenty pounds does not fall of by accident! I'm doing something right...

Now... just another 20 - 30 pounds to go. At 145 I'm in the healthy weight range... but I think I'd be happier at 135. I guess I'll cross that bridge when I come to it.

2005-06-29T18:23:00.000-07:00

My husband will have a fit if he reads this... LOL

I have had 3 cups of coffee, a can of tuna, and some almonds today.

I'm also downing water like mad!

That's it. But, in truth, I'm really not that hungry. I know it's not very nutritionally sound, I really do, but it's hot and eating just isn't that appealing when it's hot. Maybe I'm weird.

Still hoping to shed a couple of pounds before the weekend... I haven't weighed on my scale because I haven't been home. Maybe I'll have some good news Friday morning!

I've been making some changes to this blog - I've added some resources over on the side...

Did a 45 minute workout on the Total Gym, not sure if I am going to mess with the Gazelle or not... I may take a swim later.

My PCOS Update

2005-06-28T12:02:00.000-07:00

The GAD and panic attacks seem to have subsided. The 10mg of Lexapro is leveling things out nicely. I don't know what I would have done without it. I was fairly certain that I was losing my mind there for a while. It also amazes me that this is another symptom that is attributed to PCOS. The majority of women with PCOS also have some form of anxiety, depression or both.

It's been about 5 months since I've had a normal cycle. I know I have too much testosterone or androgen hormone. I started taking a natural estrogen supplement and using progesterone cream. It's only been a couple of weeks, but I do feel more mellow, in a good way.

I found a website online that deals with women with PCOS it's very informative and they have a treatment with herbs, vitamins, diet, etc. that is supposed to relieve if not completely obliterate all the symptoms. I was impressed because it was an OB/GYN (female) that had a hand in developing this treatment. The problem is that it's nearly $200 for a 60 day supply. They have gotten good results (according to testmonials on the website), but to me, that price is kind of ridiculous for vitamins. I don't know... I may change my mind and try it out eventually... but for now, I'll do my own thing and see what happens.

After listening to the crap Tom Cruise has been spewing into any camera that will focus on him, I've decided - he's an idiot. The guy can barely put a sentence together and when he manages to - he continues to repeat it because it's obviously the only one in his aresenal at the time. How many times did he tell Matt Lauer that he had "researched the history of psychiatry?" Several. For him to say there is no such thing as a chemical imbalance... is lunacy... apparently he's never dealt with it personally.

It has taken so long for women to get PCOS recognized by their doctors and there have been generations of women who have suffered needlessly. Unfortunately, we still have a LONG way to go. Two of the (male) doctors I went to didn't even recognize the symptoms, worse yet, the one who diagnosed me with PCOS acted as if it were nothing.

One thing I find strange is that I can go for weeks without craving carbs, sugar, alcohol, etc. But every once in a while, I will have a day (like yesterday) when I absolutely cannot resist or stop it. It's a little frustrating because I naturally want to beat myself up for "blowing my diet" and then I have to stop and remind myself that I am not on a diet, I'm making lifestyle changes because I am insulin resistent.

Good grief.

Interesting URL

2005-06-27T18:21:00.000-07:00

Found a great website with all sorts of diet related calculators... really interesting stuff!

www.caloriesperhour.com

Good Intentions?

2005-06-27T18:09:00.000-07:00

I decided this week that I would try to shave off an additional 2 (or more if possible) pounds so that it would put me just below my goal weight for the 4th of July. So far, it's not looking so good.

I've worked out on the Total Gym (45 minutes) for the last 3 days. I've increased my water intake and up until last night and today - I've stuck to my diet plan.

Last night my husband's mom came over and we made Bahama Mamas (pineapple juice, malibu rum, and a splash of grenadine). We had a REALLY good time... and I woke up this morning with just a smidgen of a hang-over. My husband and I had lunch together and I stopped and picked up Wendy's.

For the last two (+) months anytime I go to a fast food place I always order the bun-less burger and a salad with low-carb friendly dressing. Today, I stuck with the salad (still staying away from french fries) but I didn't order the low-carb burger... I just ordered a double classic, salad, and iced tea. Ugh.

Considering that was all I had eaten up until that point... I wasn't doing THAT bad. Until I was on my way home and drove my Krispy Kreme. I fell in love with Krispy Kreme when I was pregnant with my daughter (who is now 18 mos. old). For some reason today they just looked SO good that it was impossible to pass up.

Needless to say, Maggie and I had a couple of doughnuts on the way home today...

I'm trying not to beat myself up. But, I am going to throw in another workout today. Might as well burn it while I can.

@#$%^%#$^#$#$%$#$@#

Slipping Off The Wagon...

2005-06-24T19:30:00.000-07:00

Well, I'm holding on by my fingernails. Sorta. The scale was dipping down to 164 for a couple of days... I've really slacked off on the exercising, partially due to heat and partially due to what feels like non-stop running around. I feel like we have been on the go since school let out. Then, I came down with a sinus infection that I am just starting to get over and that makes it almost impossible to exercise. Excuses, Excuses, Excuses... I know.

Anyway, screwed up today and went to Arby's where I not only had a roast beef sandwich WITH the bun... but I ate a few fries as well.

Did I mention I am also incredibly nervous because my kids are in flight cross-country as I am writing this?

Geez. Well, no more... tomorrow, I am back on the exercise track! NO excuses!

Sugar-Free Candies

2005-06-20T19:34:00.000-07:00

I admit, I am addicted to chocolate, I love the stuff and I do refuse to live without it. Unfortunately, what I have found is that the majority of sugar-free chocolate products out there absolutely stink! They do! The chocolate doesn't taste right, it doesn't taste REAL. But, there are a few that I really enjoy...

Russell Stover's Sugar-Free Mint Patties are WAAAAAY better than the sugar-free Hershey York Peppermint Patties!

And... the sugar-free Reese's Peanut Butter Cups - taste JUST like the REAL thing! Very good!

I also like some of the candies by Sweet N Low -

Coconut Almond Clusters
Cherry Cremes

Finally, if you happen to have a Rocky Mountain Fudge Factory nearby - their sugar-free stuff is wonderful, especially the truffles and the almond clusters.

Weight Goal - 20lb loss by 07/04/2005 - I made it TWO weeks early!

Hit My 4th Of July Weight Goal - 2 Weeks Early!

2005-06-20T18:56:00.000-07:00

I haven't posted in a bit. We were busy preparing for Father's Day. With the summer here and kids out of school I haven't been going to my mom's every day to workout. I've started working out with a Firm Workout and step (aka Fanny Lifter") that I insisted on for a birthday present a few years ago. I'm also still doing the pilates workout daily. I'm noticing a definite increase in flexibility!

We're having a bit of a stressful stretch here and I'm noticing that I tend to really crave carbs when I am stressed. I'm considering buying another batch of Cortislim because I used it in addition to the low-carb diet and exercise to drop the first 15 pounds.

Anyway, I've hit my 20 pound goal - two weeks early! I'm thrilled!

My next goal is to lose another 20 pounds by my mom's birthday - August 03!

Low-Carb Coleslaw Recipe

2005-06-14T10:17:00.000-07:00

I hopped on the scale this morning...

Ok, let's be honest, I didn't HOP... because that might throw it all out of whack and then it might say something I wouldn't like. ;o)

I was thrilled this morning! Down another pound. Of course, I was at the mall for several hours yesterday walking from one end to the other... I think that counts as exercise. At least it did for me, so I didn't do one of my workouts yesterday.

I have a confession to make as well. I am completely addicted to the Bleu Ribbon Burger at Red Robin. I started ordering it with a salad instead of fries. And, just to curb my cravings a bit, I do take a couple of bites WITH the bun on... then I take the bun off and eat the rest of it.

My husband made his "Mondo Burgers" the other night. He barbecued them and added two kinds of cheese on top (cheddar and provolone). He also made them 1/2 pound in hopes I wouldn't miss the bun. ;o) I topped mine with bleu cheese dressing, steak sauce, hot sauce, bacon and bleu cheese crumbles. It was really good! Sort of my home-style version of the Bleu Ribbon Burger at Red Robin.

We're making big pitchers of iced green tea all day long now. I've read that green tea can help increase your metabolism, we've always kept it around because it is so high in antioxidants.

The entire household is beginning to decrease their sugar intake... which is great for the kids. We don't buy sodas anymore and instead opt to make our own "Italian Sodas" with mineral water or club soda and sugar-free Torani syrups. This way there is no sugar OR caffeine.

I've started making coleslaw with Splenda and it works REALLY well.

Recipe:

1/2 cup mayonaise
1-2 tbs. white vinegar
Splenda to taste
1/2 head of red cabbage
1/2 head of white cabbage

Chop cabbage to desired consistency, toss with dressing and chill.

Options:

Chipotle (chop it up and mix it in with dressing) to taste, makes a tasty cajun style coleslaw.
Package of broccoli-slaw (looks just like packaged coleslaw mix just more green and better for you too!)
You can also use the packaged coleslaw mix - just remember that they have carrots and typically these are a no-no on low-carb.

Not So Easy...

2005-06-11T14:29:00.000-07:00

The weather is warming up and it is becoming more uncomfortable to workout. Not that the weather will stop me. LOL

Fell off the wagon last weekend... I had ice cream, a Long Island Ice Tea (what is it about warmer weather that just makes those SO much better?) and a small assortment of carb-filled products. By Monday morning I was up a couple of pounds and it has taken me all the way until today (Saturday) to lose the extra two (probably water weight) and knock down two more.

I'm back on track for my 4th of July goal... which was a 20 pound weight loss. It's just not easy sticking with this in the summer, especially when I am completely craving frozen yogurt, smoothies from Jamba Juice, and the dreaded banana split. I'm having a bit of a tough time with it.

Still the two pounds down definitely inspires me to stick with it all the more.

What I find most confusing is the amount of carbs in berries, yet berries are filled with antioxidants and the show "Low Carb and Lovin' It" on FoodTV has had a couple of recipes using blueberries and strawberries. Summer is tough time NOT to enjoy all the fresh produce around us and this is such a great time to indulge in berries (if they are ok on a low-carb diet).

So, I guess I'll have to research that and figure it out.

The Blahhhhs!

2005-05-27T12:45:00.000-07:00

What is it about losing weight that makes you begin to feel good about yourself and at the same time start to notice even more imperfections than you were aware of before?

I don't get it.

Lately, I'm definitely feeling like the amount of weight loss so far, while good, is just not good enough. I'm having a difficult time appreciating where I am vs. where I was and where I want to be.

I feel like my head is too small for the rest of my body... which may seem silly, but is still annoying.

You know what else is really wild? The amount of pain a person will go through in order to "look better." You know what my ultimate goal is here? To lose all the weight I want to lose, get down to my ideal weight and go in for a tummy tuck (all that loose skin from three pregnancies), liposuction, breast reduction and lift. So, after all the sweat and deprivation - I'm then planning on slicing and dicing as a REWARD. Can you believe it? Nuts, isn't it?

Well, I got up this morning and broke my own rule. My wedding ring was a little tight, I know I didn't drink enough water yesterday and I'm paying for it. I got on the scale and it leveled out at 170... annoying to say the least. 170 was like this barrier that I emotionally felt I needed to go beyond. I'm trying not to get discouraged...

Finally!!!

2005-05-25T10:37:00.000-07:00

The scale is starting to go down... finally!

I'm so thrilled! I weighed myself at least 4 times this morning because I almost couldn't believe what I was seeing. LOL

I'm inching closer and closer to my end of June goal, which was to lose 20 pounds. My ultimate goal is 40 pounds and if you look at the ticker below... I'm getting closer to that as well!

Raves and Rants...

2005-05-24T14:12:00.000-07:00

Over the past week or so, I've noticed that my husband is now getting pretty serious about getting down to his goal weight too. A few years ago he lost about 50 pounds and has managed to keep it off. But, he still wants to lose another 20. I guess I've inspired him a bit.

If the truth were to be told, we have dieted many times together in the past. We did the Weight Watchers point system. Neither one of us lost anything, for my part, I realize now that IR had a lot to do with that.

When we tried Atkins he lost and so did I for a while. The thing with my husband is that he created a lot of good habits with Atkins that he stuck with, so he kept the 50 off, but he didn't stay strict with it, so he maintained but didn't lose anymore. I, on the other hand, ended up getting pregnant with our third child and before I knew I was pregnant, began getting frustrated because I wasn't losing weight (had dropped almost 20 pounds), my husband got frustrated with me because he felt I was sabotaging myself. I had begun craving carbs and sweets non-stop and nearly uncontrollably. Then we found out that I was pregnant.

Anyway, this time, I've stuck with it for a month, I've lost 13 pounds and I think that has inspired him a bit. It's nice to feel like I'm encouraging someone else for a change.

My mom is really starting to peel the weight off as well. She's already dropped a size. She was smaller than I was to begin with - but she is dealing with a lot of stress, plus she is post-hysterectomy and has a problem with IR as well. She's following the diet information from the Suzanne Sommers (sp.) book - "The Sexy Years." It's amazing how much hormones DO affect our ability to lose and gain weight.

I was listening to Dr. Laura the other day... mainly because sometimes I enjoy screaming at her while I am driving. She made some absolutely STUPID comment about people using hormones as an excuse to be fat... she stated (as proof of her point) that when people were put into concentration camps they came out skinny. Well, DUH, dipstick, if you STARVE anyone LONG enough they will LOSE weight. So I suppose that people who are overweight should just be locked up and starved? Does Dr. Laura think those people came out of the concentration camps HEALTHIER too???? For someone who is supposedly "educated" it amazes me what stupid things will come out of this woman's mouth.

There is my complaint for the day... I'll step off my soapbox now. ;o)

Resistance Wearing Down...

2005-05-20T12:39:00.000-07:00

I'm resisting the urge to go into the kitchen and absolutely gorge myself on anything with chocolate. So far... so good.

Today started off quite well. I'm actually down another pound! I worked out...

I've had reservations at the beach for a couple of months now for this weekend. I got a killer deal on the rates and have really been looking forward to this trip. I could really use the time away. Yesterday, we had something come up and I had to cancel the reservations. Today, I found out that we could go after all... only now, there is no way to reclaim the lost reservation.

Oh well... s*#$! happens.

Bread-Fest... Breakfast? Waste... Waist?

2005-05-18T16:05:00.000-07:00

I was telling my husband last night that I have managed to stock up on easy things to grab and eat when I need a quick snack, all low carb, of course. Still, even though I have purchased things to curb the occasional sweet tooth (sugar-free candy, sugar-free pudding cups, etc.) it's not the chocolate that calls to me...

Last night I really wanted a sweet potato. Of course, it's not as easy as that, either. My version of a sweet potato is baked in the skin, dripping with real butter, sprinkled with cinnamon and brown sugar. It's the perfect side dish for so many meals. I miss them... I really do.

Tonight I am making steaks topped with bleu cheese (I would have preferred gorgonzola, but bleu will deu... LOL) steamed broccoli (which I actually love) and that's probably about it for my meal. I might make the kids some mashed potatoes on the side... which I will behave myself around, I promise.

I'm really bad because I actually had a dream last night about biscuits and gravy. I'm a closet country girl at heart (as corny as that sounds) my grandma was from Oklahoma, my grandfather from Missouri and between the two of them I enjoyed some killer country cuisine. Biscuits and gravy, chicken and dumplings, chicken fried steak (which is one of my all-time favorite breakfasts) cornbread and buttermilk. Oh yeah... all the country comfort I can't have now. And, let me tell you... I make KILLER biscuits - from S-C-R-A-T-C-H.
Ahhhh... so sad to see such talent go to waist... er... waste. ;o)

Actually, my husband and I stopped eating the bread-fest a couple of years ago... it wasn't easy. Sugar has always been my biggest enemy, though. I'm a chocolate addict... anything double layer, extra dark, gooey, fudgy, syrupy... and I am there with bells on.

It's funny because now that I'm not having all the chocolate desserty stuff... I'm really wishing I could go back to bread-fest. LOL

Doing well today, though. My water intake is up, my carb intake is way down. Just waiting for that scale to kick-in and catch up with the inches I've lost...

Losing My Rear...

2005-05-17T11:34:00.000-07:00

Butt and gut - I think these have got to be the top two worries women have about their physical appearance. I worried that my rear was getting wider, flatter, and dropping. I kept having this fear that I was going to reach around to shave the back of my knee and nic my rear-end.

The good news is that the rear is rising and shrinking! Yippee! The work is paying off. And, deep down I am really beginning to enjoy working out. I never thought I would say that. I really didn't. As a general rule I deeply dislike 95% of the things that might cause me to break a sweat. I just don't care for being sweaty and sticky.

Don't get me wrong, I've always enjoyed the occasional Yoga workout, but hopping and jumping around for an aerobic workout is just never going to be my thing.

I'm still plugging away at least 5 days a week on the Total Gym and have now added a daily Pilates workout as well. My rear is definitely on the rise and you can't imagine how thrilled I am.

This morning I was at my mom's house and she pulled a picture out from a couple of months ago, in the picture I just happened to be wearing the same capris I'm wearing today and the difference was... well... shocking. Two months ago these pants were almost too small and were extremely tight around my hips, waist, and rear. Now, they are bagging and sagging in all those places, they are loose and comfy.

My mom said that my 13 year-old brother even mentioned how much weight I was losing. I just wish the dreaded bathroom scale would reflect this as well. I'm really trying to pay attention to how my clothes are fitting instead of what the numbers read. But, it's frustrating when you really want to see the scale DROP.

Yesterday, my daughter had an awards luncheon for maintaining a 4.0 GPA for at least 3 quarters. The luncheon was held at a local restaurant that serves all the usual country-fare buffet style. Fried chicken, rice, pasta salad, jello with whip cream, and big squishy rolls. I held my ground and opted for a salad (not pasta!) with shredded beef and a pile of fresh green beans with chunks of mushroom and bacon. I was really proud of myself. In years past, while dieting I always saw a restaurant as a "special occasion" to fudge. Not anymore... I'm learning to make better choices and I'm learning I can fudge here and there and it doesn't mean that I have trashed my diet.

Today I've already downed 25oz. of water, I had a sugar-free coffee with cream from Starbucks, eggs and sausage. For a snack I had a couple of sticks of string cheese and some raw almonds. I worked out this morning and tried to add an extra set of everything. This afternoon I'll do a Pilates workout.

When I started doing this I was a tight fitting size 14... now the 14's are loose and I can fit into a 12. I've had an issue with a rather large bust for several years now, relegating me to x-large tops and severely restricting my wardrobe. My x-large t-shirts are now fitting loosely, I have a waist again and my bust has shrunk. I'd love to get back to a C-cup. That would be great.

When I get ALL the weight off... I think I am seriously going to consider liposuction, breast reduction, and a tummy tuck.

Yep... that's right, I'm still sitting at 174, but I can tell I've lost inches. Just wish the scale would TELL as well.

Getting Better...

2005-05-10T12:42:00.000-07:00

Another weekend filled with temptation. I've decided that I am not going to suffer or deprive myself. I'm very good all week long, when I get really desperate I opt for a lowcarb-friendly ice cream bar (they are really good). I try not to find excuses to deviate from my plan - but stuff happens. Mother's Day is a prime example, I stuck with ice tea or Crystal Light lemonade, we had home-made shredded beef tacos, I allowed myself one corn tortilla. Then came dessert and my darling son (who has been taking a cooking class in junior high) made Snicker Doodles from scratch. They were wonderful. Then there was a double layer chocolate cake with fudge frosting, I admit, I'm terrible because I made the silly thing in honor of Mother's Day. It was very good!

So, I'm "back on the wagon" now and doing very well. I'm down another pound and feeling much better today than I did over the weekend. I am working on getting more water down... I've slacked off a bit lately because the weather has cooled off a bit and it makes it harder for me to drink a lot of water, isn't that stupid?

I firmly believe that things are as easy or as difficult as you choose to make them. I've tried to make this as simple and as easy as possible. I'm already seeing a big changes.

I am now up to six sets of leg / butt exercises (each set is 6 exercises, 10 reps each) on the Total Gym, I'm up to 3 sets of upper arms (3 different exercises, 10 reps each) and three sets (1 exercise, 10 reps) of these odd outer thigh and butt toning exercises that really are not very easy at all. In the beginning it was hard to get out 3 sets of the legs and even one complete set of the upper body stuff. All this isn't even counting my daily routine on the Gazelle glider which was difficult to do even 7 minutes at first and now I am up to 20.

The Total Gym is a daily thing - 5 days per week, the Gazelle is at least 3 times a week but I try to do it more like 5.

All in all, I am trying to pay more attention to how my clothes are fitting and how I am looking instead of watching the dreaded @#$%%@#$@ scale. I've lost nearly 4 inches around my waist, alone. Everywhere else ranges from 1 - 3 inches, arms, thighs, hips, chest, etc.

This is well worth continuing on... the results are coming.

Anniversary Weekend and Temptations

2005-05-05T10:07:00.000-07:00

My husband and I celebrated our anniversary last weekend. My mom was kind enough to take the kids for the night and we enjoyed a day (and night) all to ourselves.

We also enjoyed a couple of romantic meals... and I did try to be on my very best behavior. But, let's face it, I could have been better. Although, I did opt for sugar-free sweets instead of the usual hefty dessert I would have ordered. I stuck with ice-tea with artificial sweetener... the worst thing I did was allow myself a couple of slices of sourdough bread with a lovely Basque lunch.

But, again, I have to remind myself that I am making lifestyle changes, I'm not just "on a diet."

Still, I've worked out every day this week... my clothes are fitting much better and my arms are beginning to tone up. Now if only the scale would start reacting...

Current Stats:

Down just one pound. Ugh.

Still... that's ten pounds in just a couple of weeks. Can't complain about that, right?

Ugh... 1 more down, but it might not be for long.

2005-04-29T18:05:00.000-07:00

I'm trying to tell myself that no one is perfect, that this is more of a lifestyle change than a diet. In fact, I have to get that attitude straight because that is exactly how it is. I have a hormonal imbalance, I am insulin resistant and I'm going to have to come to grips with that. I just cannot handle the sugar anymore. Thank God I'm not diabetic or anything - but, that doesn't change the fact that sugar just doesn't make me feel very well.

I screwed up today. We all went to the movies and I decided that a few handfuls of popcorn and a some candy wouldn't hurt anything. Fact is... it made me feel icky and bloated.

I've been REALLY, REALLY good up until now. So, I know I can't be that hard on myself. If anything, I'm actually glad that I did this. There has been this gnawing fear since I began this thing that I was not going to be able to stick with it, that my addiction to sugar was going to win out. Turns out... not so much. It made me feel so icky that I can honestly say I'm not going to do that again.

The good news is that as of this morning - I was down one more pound. Actually the scale was closer to 175 - but since it was on the "heavy side" of 175, I'm just going to call it 176. Better to round up than down.

I worked out and I'm already up to nearly 50 ounces of water today. I had a late breakfast which was a very simple scrambled eggs and bacon. I did my little snafu at the movies and now I am back on track.

Know what? It actually feels pretty good.

My mom on the other hand (who is doing a Suzanne Sommers version of the IR diet) played it smart and picked up Sweet N Low's "Coconut Patties." I tried one and guess what? They are really good. You can't tell there is no sugar. It doesn't taste diet-y, the chocolate has a great flavor and there really isn't a whole lot of difference between them and Almond Joys. I really recommend them. In fact, the next time I get a sweet tooth attack I plan to try that or the mint patty variety.

One More Down...

2005-04-28T10:29:00.000-07:00

This tracker just cracked me up... how perfect for a weight loss graphic? LOL

Anyway - down another pound... I can totally DO this!!!!

Ugh... The Mind Games One Must Play

2005-04-27T17:35:00.000-07:00

I know I can't be the only one who does this... play games with the scale. I hate the bathroom scale. I really, really do. I'm sure it's just doing its' job, nothing personal - and yet, I can say that I probably like the lady behind the counter and the DMV more than I like that stupid scale.

Here is how I play the "Bathroom Scale" game:

Step 1: I weigh in as early in the morning as possible.
Step 2: I weigh with NO clothing on.
Step 3: If my wedding ring won't twist or slide off easily - I skip weighing myself. (water retention) *This is the ultimate 'Get Out Of Jail Free' card.
Step 4: If my weight has fluctuated for the worse - I curse the scale and swear not to weigh myself daily anymore.
Step 5: I weigh myself at night - it's a preview. Generally, if my weight is the same as it was that morning, I've probably LOST weight. (After all, you supposedly GAIN weight throughout the day so this is only a logical assumption.) *This is the best 'Chance' card you can get on the gameboard.

Today, my wedding ring was a little tight... so I drank more water today and a glass of iced tea with artificial sweetener. Had a carb bowl from Carl's Junior today. Love those!

Worked out on the Total Gym... it's much easier to do when I am wearing a walkman and listening to music that gets me going. Today it was my own mix of Maroon 5, Elvis, SugarRay, The Dandy Warhols, and Huey Lewis and the News (ah... a retreat to my youth, when I was thinner and my hair was longer, and there were no diapers to change - ahhhhh, those were the days).

My anniversary is this Monday... I'm looking forward to a nice weekend. My mom said I looked thinner today and it definitely looked like I was losing. That thrilled me to know end because my mom is brutally honest with me where my.... uh... weight is concerned. LOL

Yippee - Day 5

2005-04-25T13:20:00.000-07:00

Crappy weekend. I had a terrible headache for about 48 hours straight (sugar, carb withdrawal I'm assuming). The good news is that I am down to 178!!! Inching closer and closer to my goal every day.

"Every day in every way I am getting better and better." - my current affirmation.

I was really proud of myself yesterday... my darling husband made fried potatos with breakfast. I stuck to the sausage and scrambled eggs, even managed to skip the OJ (my personal favorite) even though it was 100% natural Naked Juice.

Splurged a little bit last night, we went out for mexican food and one of our favorite spots, I ordered chicken fajitas, skipped the rice, and had ice tea. I did have some chips and salsa (more salsa than chips - an old favorite trick) and still got up this morning to a decent weight loss.

Today I worked out for 45 minutes, 22 minutes on the gazelle and the rest of the time on the total gym. Downing the water too.

I registered with the PCOS Message Board and posted a msg there. It's an awesome resource. I'm looking into the IR diet (Insulin Resistance Diet) because I think it might actually work better than the Atkins - plus it is less restrictive.

Here's to a lighter weight tomorrow...

Day Two - AM

2005-04-22T10:45:00.000-07:00

Well, I have to admit, I would have killed for a donut last night. Not that I am even that big on donuts. I really don't have a weakness for Krispy Kreme or anything... but there was this commercial. LOL

Anyway... this morning I was really proud of myself and am starting to look forward to the momentum that is beginning to build.

Weight:
180

That's right... three pounds - gone.
Probably just water weight... but three pounds of water weight is better than nothing at all.
It was WORTH not having a donut... not that I have any around. But, I have been known to be quite resourceful. ;o)

Day One...

2005-04-21T21:49:00.000-07:00

Weight - 183

Goal Today:

Stay under 20 carbs
Drink 80 oz. water

Ok, it hasn't been too bad today. I had scrambled eggs with cheese and organic chicken, spinach and feta sausage. Yummy. Filling...

Lunch was a low-carb wrap from Subway, cold-cut combo, mayo, mustard, lettuce and peppers. Roughly 5 carbs.

As of this moment, I have had 70 oz. of water. Not bad. I'm feeling pretty good actually. The only thing I didn't do was work out today. Typically I work out at my mom's house on the Total Gym and the Gazelle. I usually hate exercise, but I actually enjoy this. We work out 5 days a week and have been doing this for almost three weeks now. I'm getting to the point where I actually miss it when I don't. I plan to start including a 20 minute pilates workout at least six days a week as well. I love Yoga, I like pilates... it's relaxing and gives me some time to meditate.

Onward and upward!

Weight Loss...

2005-04-21T18:09:00.000-07:00

Well, I've decided to change this to a weight loss journal. I'll probably transfer some of my other entries into my other Blog. In truth, I don't write in this blog very often and it's probably bad form to wait so long between new postings. So, I've decided to turn this into a space to be able to vent and keep a log (of some sort) on my current weight loss goal and progress.

A couple of days ago I was reading some articles online and came across a link to a website that really hit home with me. This lady's story was very much like my own. Issues with secondary infertility, depression, anxiety, PCOS, and weight loss success (and failure).

About 8 years ago when my children were 5 and 2, my husband and I wanted to start trying to have a third child. About the same time I started gaining weight and my monthly cycles stopped completely. Overjoyed (assuming I was pregnant because the only other times I had been "late" or "skipped" I had ended up having a child) I rushed out and bought a home pregnancy test. When it turned up negative, I assumed I had gotten a bad test and ran out to a local labratory to have a blood test done. When I called later that evening and got the news that I was not pregnant I assumed stress was causing the "delay."

Fast forward 5 years... The weight gain continued and I went from being a size 8/9 to a 14. My monthly cycles became infrequent (3 - 4 times a year). I tried the Weight Watchers point system, counting calories, counting fat, exercising which included an hour of yoga 6 days a week. I toned up, became flexible, but the weight didn't budge.

I went into the gynecologist and was diagnosed with PCOS (Poly-Cystic Ovary Syndrome). I use the term "diagnosed" lightly, because he just said it as if he were telling me I had a spot on my shirt or something. In fact, he said it so quickly with no more information that I mistakenly assumed this was no big deal. He put me on birth control (to regulate my cycles), but that was just a band-aid for the real problem.

It wasn't until I started looking things up online later that I reflected upon the conversation and decided to look up the "treatments" for PCOS. Still assuming that this was no big deal. What I found was that not only are there cysts on my ovaries (again something he mentioned as if it were not big deal), I don't ovulate regularly and that is the light side of the health consequences. Mood swings, migraines, depression, weight gain, skin tags, abnormal hair growth, hypertension, and increased risk for diabetes and heart disease. Of course, he also told me that I didn't have hormone problems.

Hmmm... now, let's just think for a moment, hormones regulate your monthly cycles, hormones control ovulation, hormones effect weight gain, moods, etc. etc. etc. I wasn't having cycles, I wasn't ovulating, I had gained a ton of weight... no hormone problem hmmm? Well, what ARE birth control pills (HORMONES... HELLO!!).

It wasn't until I discovered the "low carb" diet online and started cutting out all the carbs, that I began to see the weight steadily drop. I dropped twenty-five pounds quickly and slipped back down to a size 10. But, then the weight just stopped coming off... I was sick all the time and couldn't figure out why. My gynecologist(that same dipstick I saw above) told me not to get my hopes up that I probably was starting to have the same problems that he did a hysterectomy on my mother for (fibroid tumors).

I was sent to a lab for another blood test to "rule out" a possible pregnancy. That evening I called the lab and was told I was pregnant. I had to have the lady repeat the results 3 times before it sunk in. I was over the moon, overjoyed, ecstatic and hysterical. Five years of absolute hell and I finally had what I had wanted... a third child. My OB told me that it was probably the weight loss that jiggled my hormones enough to cause me to ovulate and finally get pregnant.

January 1, 2004 - I gave birth to my daughter, Maggie. That September I started having chest pains and became paranoid that there was something very wrong with me. I worried about dying young and leaving my children, to the point of waking up in the middle of the night worrying, fretting, sobbing. Halloween weekend, I experienced the first of several panic attacks. It was horrible, painful, literally physically painful. Even now it's difficult to write about and describe.

The worst part about panic attacks are that eventually you become very afraid of having one and you start to cut yourself off from ANYTHING that might trigger an emotion that might cause an attack. I stopped listening to music, couldn't watch anything on television other than HGTV, Food Network, or stand up comedy. Many days I was too afraid to leave my bedroom. I would take the children to school, come home and go straight to my room and sit there until it was time to pick the kids up from school.

In December I changed doctors. My new doctor recognized the symptoms of Generalized Anxiety Disorder and quickly connected it to the hormone issues and the PCOS, not only that, but she confirmed my suspicions - I lost weight on a low-carb diet and that's the only type of diet I could lose weight on. People with PCOS don't process sugar right... carbs get stored as fat. That's over-simplifying it, but it's basically accurate. My new doctor put me on anti-anxiety meds which I started in February 2005.

Which brings us up to today. I now understand what has happened to me and for the most part, why. Mentally and emotionally - I feel 150% better than I have in years. I'm much more relaxed and calm, I'm enjoying music, television, books, and movies. Most of all, I'm ready to get very serious about losing this weight - because I know how to do it...

My goal is to lose 20 lbs. by June 29th 2005. That's 10 weeks away. We have a great family vacation planned over at the beach for Fourth of July weekend and I think that's a reasonable goal.

My ultimate goal is to lose 50 pounds by my husband's birthday, September 21, 2005. That's 5 months... ten pounds a month, a little over 2 lbs per week. Reasonable.I can do this.

Missions and California History

2004-11-22T10:57:00.000-08:00

Fourth grade and that means California history. My daughter is doing a research report on a California mission. Specifically, Mission San Luis Obispo de Tolosa. Which, by the way, was not originally founded for the same reason as the other missions in the chain of 20 or so missions that were built from San Diego to Monterey.

Mission San Luis Obispo de Tolosa was founded because of its' close proximity to a massive bear population. Apparently several thousand pounds of bear meat will get you through a California winter just fine.

Once established, however, the mission began doing just what the rest of the missions were doing - "converting" the native american population.

I am, on occasion, absolutely dumbfounded by the amount of arrogance displayed throughout history. Take the Spanish, for example, here you have a group of greedy individuals taking over California and forcing Native Americans into slavery, essentially. They called it "education" when what they were actually doing was disrespecting and attempting to completely destroy another culture. Another classic example of, "my beliefs are right - because they are mine."

In a nutshell, of course.

Anytime someone chooses to discount, abuse, or change another person' s belief or way of life simply because they do not appear to coincide with their own - it's wrong, it's ignorant, and it's arrogant.

My secret addiction...

2004-10-28T17:41:00.000-07:00

Ok, so this is 'My Guilty Pleasures' blog which means I can let my hair down a bit (tough to do since it's so short!) ~ I see this blog the same way I see my attraction to chocolate... only this is probably better for me because it gets excess weight off my chest - whereas the chocolate puts weight on my rear.

My (not so) secret addiction is... check this... "Gilmore Girls" - there are a few shows I never miss and while I was completely in love with the West Wing from the start, truth is, not so much now. They lost their way when Rob Lowe left... ANYWAY...

Gilmore Girls... my daughter and I are absolutely addicted. We never miss it. It's snappy, quick, not too heavy on the melodramatics and I have a soft spot for Lorelai and those who know me well know why. Anyway, after all this time it's finally happened. Luke and Lorelai! Could it be any better? I think not. I was concerned that they might change the characters dramatically when they hooked this pair up - but it's just not so. They are great together!

Which brings me to my dilemma. Christopher is back in the picture and hear me now... if L&L break up because of that jacka** Christopher - I am DONE with GG. Finished. My daughter is worried about this because I stopped watching "Charmed" when they broke Piper and Leo up. Haven't watched it since. But, I can honestly say, that was the last straw for charmed. The first was when Shannon Doherty left. I don't think much of her... but I think it was weak the way they filled in the gap.

I think the fans of GG have waiting too long to see L&L get together - if they break them up, it's going to really mess things up. Just my .02 worth.

The Baby Dance?

2004-10-26T13:51:00.000-07:00

I like happy endings. I know they aren't always possible but I do pride myself on avoiding things that upset me unneccessarily. Movies like, "Terms of Endearment" "Beaches" "Cold Mountain" - things like that... I don't watch them.

Why? Not because I am some harda** who has a problem being emotional. But, life can be depressing enough. Watch the news - there are plenty of things out there to disappoint and upset you if you want to find them. Why subject yourself to fictional melodramas? Worse yet, if it takes something THAT depressing to make you feel better about your life... then you've got serious problems.

Late last night I couldn't sleep. Not sure why... probably the storm that was blowing in. My husband was snoring soundly and all the kids were fast asleep. I was skimming through the channels and came across a movie called, "The Baby Dance" starring Stockard Channing (whom I absolutely love) and Laura Dern. Laura Dern played a woman who was expecting her fifth child and she and her husband really couldn't afford to have any more children. Stockard Channing played a woman who had been through the infertility gambit and was desperate to have a child.

Ah... match made in heaven right? A guaranteed happy ending here... win-win situation, blah blah blah.

The baby was born with the umbilical chord wrapped around her neck. She was deprived of oxygen and the doctor had no idea if she had suffered any brain damage or not. There was obviously still a chance she would be normal.

And, what does this lovely, financially stable, educated, desperate couple decide to do? They decide NOT to adopt the baby - at the last minute because they just aren't sure if they want to deal with a child that might have "challenges." After watching this child's birth, they simply leave the hospital and fly home. In fact, both couples leave the hospital without the baby. The last scene shows a row of baby bassinets in the hospital, each cute little bundle with a little name tag, until you get to the last one... and it's a baby girl, crying, with a BLANK name tag on the bassinet. All the grown ups went home - and left a helpless child at the hospital.

That last scene broke my heart. I had to remind myself in the hour or so it took me to go to sleep - that this was a movie, a dramatization, and that the poor baby had a stage mother off to the side waiting for a director to yell "cut" so she could rush to her infant's side. I went in to check on all of my babies at least 3 times before I could finally settle in and sleep.

Just what is the moral of the story? What is the point of "The Baby Dance"? That people are selfish? Weak? Just why did they want a baby to begin with? What is the point of this movie? That there are some people who can't figure out how birth control works? That there are some people who can't have children and believe that that means the world owes them a PERFECT one? This movie stated that there are some really crappy people out in the world - and that was ALL it did. This wasn't shedding light on a major social issue, it wasn't spreading the word against abuse or domestic violence. It was just two freaking hours of what an imperfect world we live in.

So, apparently, being unable to have children allows you the marvelous choice to get the pick of the litter. A luxury that biological parents don't have and WOULDN'T want. I believe there is a reason why some people aren't capable of having children.They aren't cut out to be real parents and subconciously they know it... which is probably why they can't have them.

This is why I don't watch movies with unhappy endings. They always manage to get under my skin and bother me for days. This was just sad. Sad and depressing.

There is no excuse for poor reception...

2004-10-19T15:16:00.000-07:00

I cannot understand what is up with the receptionist at my pediatrician's office.

I called yesterday inquiring about my daughter's flu shot appointment and the current vaccine shortage. I was told that they would not reserve dosages, even for high-risk patients no matter how far ahead you scheduled your appointment. My daughter is considered high-risk as she is only 10 months old.

So I asked to speak to the nurse because the receptionist couldn't tell me if it would be a good idea or not to try to get an earlier appointment...

The nurse got back to me and told me I could bring Maggie in that day.

There I was sitting in the waiting room and I heard the receptionist making phone calls, "I'm calling from Dr. So and So's office to let you know that because of the flu vaccine shortage we are going to need you to come in sooner so that your child can get their vaccine. If you have any questions call us at blah blah blah..."

Maggie got her flu shot and I was told to call back in a month so that she could get the second dosage - IF they have it. But, if they don't have it - it's no big deal and she should be fine. (More contradictions, I just LOVE modern medicine.)

When I got home I checked the answering machine and guess what I heard?

Oh yes, the very same ding-bat receptionist...

There she is calling my house and leaving a message to let me know that MAGGIE (who is in the office) can come in AT ANY TIME to get her flu vaccination - this was followed by TWO additional phone messages from her - telling me that Ethan and Katie did not meet the "high risk" requirement for the vaccine.

Three individual messages on my machine and the WHOLE time I am sitting right there not ten feet away from her.

This isn't the first time. Last July I showed up for an appointment that I had scheduled two months in advance for Maggie's immunizations. The receptionist looked at me like I was nuts. The doctor had already gone home for the day because she didn't have any afternoon appointments. I showed her the card that SHE had filled out at our last visit... and there was no apology or anything... just, "Oh... well, I'll have to reschedule you."

There are a lot of doctors around here that let their staff get away with everything short of murder. Of course, most staff members consist of the doctors wife or at least the person he's involved with in some way. And, no that wasn't a broad generalization.

Every dentist I know (I'm an ex-dental assistant/dental office manager) has his wife involved in his practice in some way. The first doctor I worked for had his wife managing the office - later I found out that while he was married to his first wife, he met wife number 2 (current office manager) while she was his RECEPTIONIST!!!

My old gynecologist has his wife managing the office. I'm not sure that I'd want to be in the office while my husband is in another room touching other women. Clinical or not... it's wierd.

Guilty Pleasures....

2004-10-07T23:38:00.000-07:00

Yep, my other blog. My first blog, Amy's Musings is more light-hearted family-friendly fare. But, sometimes I'm just not family-friendly, sometimes I don't want to be politically correct and sometimes I'd just like to shoot my mouth off. This is my spot to do that... I'm giving myself a little freedom and a license to explode instead of just stifling my thoughts and imploding silently.

So, excuse the occasional negativity and what might appear to be whining... sometimes I just feel compelled to tell my truth, as I see it.

I'm An Adult, Right?

2004-10-07T22:40:00.000-07:00

Yep... all grown up. Wife and mother of three. I take the kids to school, help with homework, do the laundry... all the usual grown up stuff.

My husband is in classes two nights a week. I'm a huge chicken.

I hate being home at night... the only "grown up" in the house. My husband blames it on the Stephen King collection in the bookcase. I'm pretty sure it's the Anne Rice collection...

I've become best friends with my dog. Yep... he's my little alarm system. Making noise when he hears anything odd, that's about all he's good for. My little chawiener. Half chihuahua and half dauchsund (not sure I spelled that right). So, I fed him a bunch of turkey tonight and this has kept him right on my heels all night long. I prefer it that way. There's nothing worse than being in one end of the house and hearing him barking like mad from the other end.

I don't like our den at night. We have large sliding glass doors. They look out into our backyard and beyond our fence is a breezeway that the utility company uses. It's big enough for a truck to drive through and there aren't any lights out there. Which isn't so bad, except we have big shrubs lining the fence. Shrubs that aren't incredibly dense, just dense enough to imagine all sorts of shapes in them. So... at night it feels like being in a fish bowl.
I avoid doing laundry late at night because it's right off the den.

I was listening to Bob and Tom on the radio as I took the kids to school this morning. Drew Hastings (a comedian) was on and he was talking about how he lived in a cabin in the middle of the woods.

"Did you know that a possum walking through the woods in the dark sounds exactly like three guys with an ax walking through the woods at night?"

Yes Drew. I do know that. Can understand that exactly.

I also know that innocent glow-in-the-dark Halloween glass clings can look like a guy in a ski mask leaping at you as you close the sliding glass door. And they weren't scary glass clings either. We're talking small, happy pumpkins, spiders, and cute little witches.

I'm a chicken. A chicken who has to wait another 40 minutes for her husband's key in the lock. After I make him slide his ID under the door.

Ok... I am kidding about the ID thing. Honest.

Tired of Being Polite and Politically Correct

2004-10-07T19:57:00.000-07:00

Yep, my other blog could be seen that way. Certainly. A modern day Pollyanna. Except that Pollyanna gets BORING. And, when Pollyanna gets boring there is a little "bad" angel on my shoulder who just loves to pop up and shoot her mouth off.

I admit it. I know, it's not cool to do so, but I am truly tired of being politically correct all the time. Yes, I publish an ezine for at-home-moms and attempt to look like June Cleaver of the new millenium. I am a good mom, devoted wife, and I'm pretty open-minded, at least I like to think so. I'm also a human being with an occasional mean streak.

I whole-heartedly detest ignorance (although have been guilty of it myself, I never claimed to be perfect). I cannot stand people who trip around aimlessly online, filling out forms, joining safelists, subscribing to ezines, request more information and then complain that they are being spammed.

I recently went a few rounds with a gentleman (I'll use the term LIGHTLY here) who filled out a form that linked to my auto responder. I had his IP address and the time stamp for when he filled out the form. He, in turn, received 4 letters (over the course of 2 weeks) and decided he was being spammed. But instead of just removing himself, he wrote me (with some serious misspelled words and grammar worse than my 10 year old) and proceeded to give me the electronic version of a severe tongue lashing.

I attempted to set him straight. Only to have him write to me (in all CAPS) with multiple exclamation points telling me what kind of person I am.

To satisfy your curiosity, yes, I was called several colorful names. The thing that really cracked me up was that this guy's email address was godsannointed2004. He was your typical internet psycho-coward who loved hiding behind his monitor and saying all the things he didn't have the... er... guts to say in real life.

I made sure to tell him how much he amused me. Even through my irritation I was laughing, the laugh of someone slightly off-kilter, but a laugh nonetheless.

He kept emailing - spiraling himself into a black hole of venemous anger spread with mind-numbing stupidity the likes of which just HAD to give him a seizure. I pictured him gnawing through his tongue and bottom lip, hair sticking out every which way, foaming at the mouth with cujo-like insanity. And that little stinker on my shoulder popped up and said... "hey... let's see what we can do to make this guy implode..."

I don't even have the audacity to confess here the depths to which I sunk telling this guy what I thought of him. Although, suffice it to say it contained references to "COPS" (yes, the television show) "Trailers (mobile homes)" and "his lacking appropriately sized anatomical parts that rendered him only capable of attacking women with evidence of intelligence greater than his - which meant that a woman with the IQ of a toaster would be a threat."

And, he imploded. Over and over and over again... with foul language mixed with, I kid you not, quotes from the bible. Apparently, you can get away with swearing as long as you thump your bible at the same time.

I did not know that.

Finally, I just replied with something like:

The person you are attempting to reach
has installed software that is now blocking
your email address.

Your emails are no longer reaching the
addressee's inbox.

Have a nice day!

He REPLIED BACK:

THANK YOU JESUS GOD IS SO GOOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And, the little bad angel jumped up and said... DO IT AGAIN! So I did. Pasted the same exactly text and sent it off in response to his gratitude.

He wrote back AGAIN:

how many times do I need to say Thank you

I couldn't believe it. Then I realized that it was just SO sad I couldn't
even be irritated anymore.

Then I kicked myself for even getting caught up in it. Yes, I am a bigger person that that. On a typical day I have more compassion and tolerance. Honest, I swear this is true.

But, when you've been up all night with an infant and tangle all morning with a 9 and 12 year old - you start to get a little bit cranky.

No excuses. I behaved... inappropriately.

And, even so, I still believe there are some people who just shouldn't be allowed access to computers.