Friday, April 29, 2005

Ugh... 1 more down, but it might not be for long.

I'm trying to tell myself that no one is perfect, that this is more of a lifestyle change than a diet. In fact, I have to get that attitude straight because that is exactly how it is. I have a hormonal imbalance, I am insulin resistant and I'm going to have to come to grips with that. I just cannot handle the sugar anymore. Thank God I'm not diabetic or anything - but, that doesn't change the fact that sugar just doesn't make me feel very well.

I screwed up today. We all went to the movies and I decided that a few handfuls of popcorn and a some candy wouldn't hurt anything. Fact is... it made me feel icky and bloated.

I've been REALLY, REALLY good up until now. So, I know I can't be that hard on myself. If anything, I'm actually glad that I did this. There has been this gnawing fear since I began this thing that I was not going to be able to stick with it, that my addiction to sugar was going to win out. Turns out... not so much. It made me feel so icky that I can honestly say I'm not going to do that again.

The good news is that as of this morning - I was down one more pound. Actually the scale was closer to 175 - but since it was on the "heavy side" of 175, I'm just going to call it 176. Better to round up than down.

I worked out and I'm already up to nearly 50 ounces of water today. I had a late breakfast which was a very simple scrambled eggs and bacon. I did my little snafu at the movies and now I am back on track.

Know what? It actually feels pretty good.

My mom on the other hand (who is doing a Suzanne Sommers version of the IR diet) played it smart and picked up Sweet N Low's "Coconut Patties." I tried one and guess what? They are really good. You can't tell there is no sugar. It doesn't taste diet-y, the chocolate has a great flavor and there really isn't a whole lot of difference between them and Almond Joys. I really recommend them. In fact, the next time I get a sweet tooth attack I plan to try that or the mint patty variety.

Thursday, April 28, 2005

One More Down...

This tracker just cracked me up... how perfect for a weight loss graphic? LOL

Anyway - down another pound... I can totally DO this!!!!

Wednesday, April 27, 2005

Ugh... The Mind Games One Must Play

I know I can't be the only one who does this... play games with the scale. I hate the bathroom scale. I really, really do. I'm sure it's just doing its' job, nothing personal - and yet, I can say that I probably like the lady behind the counter and the DMV more than I like that stupid scale.

Here is how I play the "Bathroom Scale" game:

  • Step 1: I weigh in as early in the morning as possible.
  • Step 2: I weigh with NO clothing on.
  • Step 3: If my wedding ring won't twist or slide off easily - I skip weighing myself. (water retention) *This is the ultimate 'Get Out Of Jail Free' card.
  • Step 4: If my weight has fluctuated for the worse - I curse the scale and swear not to weigh myself daily anymore.
  • Step 5: I weigh myself at night - it's a preview. Generally, if my weight is the same as it was that morning, I've probably LOST weight. (After all, you supposedly GAIN weight throughout the day so this is only a logical assumption.) *This is the best 'Chance' card you can get on the gameboard.
Today, my wedding ring was a little tight... so I drank more water today and a glass of iced tea with artificial sweetener. Had a carb bowl from Carl's Junior today. Love those!

Worked out on the Total Gym... it's much easier to do when I am wearing a walkman and listening to music that gets me going. Today it was my own mix of Maroon 5, Elvis, SugarRay, The Dandy Warhols, and Huey Lewis and the News (ah... a retreat to my youth, when I was thinner and my hair was longer, and there were no diapers to change - ahhhhh, those were the days).

My anniversary is this Monday... I'm looking forward to a nice weekend. My mom said I looked thinner today and it definitely looked like I was losing. That thrilled me to know end because my mom is brutally honest with me where my.... uh... weight is concerned. LOL

Monday, April 25, 2005

Yippee - Day 5

Crappy weekend. I had a terrible headache for about 48 hours straight (sugar, carb withdrawal I'm assuming). The good news is that I am down to 178!!! Inching closer and closer to my goal every day.

"Every day in every way I am getting better and better." - my current affirmation.

I was really proud of myself yesterday... my darling husband made fried potatos with breakfast. I stuck to the sausage and scrambled eggs, even managed to skip the OJ (my personal favorite) even though it was 100% natural Naked Juice.

Splurged a little bit last night, we went out for mexican food and one of our favorite spots, I ordered chicken fajitas, skipped the rice, and had ice tea. I did have some chips and salsa (more salsa than chips - an old favorite trick) and still got up this morning to a decent weight loss.

Today I worked out for 45 minutes, 22 minutes on the gazelle and the rest of the time on the total gym. Downing the water too.

I registered with the PCOS Message Board and posted a msg there. It's an awesome resource. I'm looking into the IR diet (Insulin Resistance Diet) because I think it might actually work better than the Atkins - plus it is less restrictive.

Here's to a lighter weight tomorrow...

Friday, April 22, 2005

Day Two - AM

Well, I have to admit, I would have killed for a donut last night. Not that I am even that big on donuts. I really don't have a weakness for Krispy Kreme or anything... but there was this commercial. LOL

Anyway... this morning I was really proud of myself and am starting to look forward to the momentum that is beginning to build.


That's right... three pounds - gone.
Probably just water weight... but three pounds of water weight is better than nothing at all.
It was WORTH not having a donut... not that I have any around. But, I have been known to be quite resourceful. ;o)

Thursday, April 21, 2005

Day One...

Weight - 183

Goal Today:

Stay under 20 carbs
Drink 80 oz. water

Ok, it hasn't been too bad today. I had scrambled eggs with cheese and organic chicken, spinach and feta sausage. Yummy. Filling...

Lunch was a low-carb wrap from Subway, cold-cut combo, mayo, mustard, lettuce and peppers. Roughly 5 carbs.

As of this moment, I have had 70 oz. of water. Not bad. I'm feeling pretty good actually. The only thing I didn't do was work out today. Typically I work out at my mom's house on the Total Gym and the Gazelle. I usually hate exercise, but I actually enjoy this. We work out 5 days a week and have been doing this for almost three weeks now. I'm getting to the point where I actually miss it when I don't. I plan to start including a 20 minute pilates workout at least six days a week as well. I love Yoga, I like pilates... it's relaxing and gives me some time to meditate.

Onward and upward!

Weight Loss...

Well, I've decided to change this to a weight loss journal. I'll probably transfer some of my other entries into my other Blog. In truth, I don't write in this blog very often and it's probably bad form to wait so long between new postings. So, I've decided to turn this into a space to be able to vent and keep a log (of some sort) on my current weight loss goal and progress.

A couple of days ago I was reading some articles online and came across a link to a website that really hit home with me. This lady's story was very much like my own. Issues with secondary infertility, depression, anxiety, PCOS, and weight loss success (and failure).

About 8 years ago when my children were 5 and 2, my husband and I wanted to start trying to have a third child. About the same time I started gaining weight and my monthly cycles stopped completely. Overjoyed (assuming I was pregnant because the only other times I had been "late" or "skipped" I had ended up having a child) I rushed out and bought a home pregnancy test. When it turned up negative, I assumed I had gotten a bad test and ran out to a local labratory to have a blood test done. When I called later that evening and got the news that I was not pregnant I assumed stress was causing the "delay."

Fast forward 5 years... The weight gain continued and I went from being a size 8/9 to a 14. My monthly cycles became infrequent (3 - 4 times a year). I tried the Weight Watchers point system, counting calories, counting fat, exercising which included an hour of yoga 6 days a week. I toned up, became flexible, but the weight didn't budge.

I went into the gynecologist and was diagnosed with PCOS (Poly-Cystic Ovary Syndrome). I use the term "diagnosed" lightly, because he just said it as if he were telling me I had a spot on my shirt or something. In fact, he said it so quickly with no more information that I mistakenly assumed this was no big deal. He put me on birth control (to regulate my cycles), but that was just a band-aid for the real problem.

It wasn't until I started looking things up online later that I reflected upon the conversation and decided to look up the "treatments" for PCOS. Still assuming that this was no big deal. What I found was that not only are there cysts on my ovaries (again something he mentioned as if it were not big deal), I don't ovulate regularly and that is the light side of the health consequences. Mood swings, migraines, depression, weight gain, skin tags, abnormal hair growth, hypertension, and increased risk for diabetes and heart disease. Of course, he also told me that I didn't have hormone problems.

Hmmm... now, let's just think for a moment, hormones regulate your monthly cycles, hormones control ovulation, hormones effect weight gain, moods, etc. etc. etc. I wasn't having cycles, I wasn't ovulating, I had gained a ton of weight... no hormone problem hmmm? Well, what ARE birth control pills (HORMONES... HELLO!!).

It wasn't until I discovered the "low carb" diet online and started cutting out all the carbs, that I began to see the weight steadily drop. I dropped twenty-five pounds quickly and slipped back down to a size 10. But, then the weight just stopped coming off... I was sick all the time and couldn't figure out why. My gynecologist(that same dipstick I saw above) told me not to get my hopes up that I probably was starting to have the same problems that he did a hysterectomy on my mother for (fibroid tumors).

I was sent to a lab for another blood test to "rule out" a possible pregnancy. That evening I called the lab and was told I was pregnant. I had to have the lady repeat the results 3 times before it sunk in. I was over the moon, overjoyed, ecstatic and hysterical. Five years of absolute hell and I finally had what I had wanted... a third child. My OB told me that it was probably the weight loss that jiggled my hormones enough to cause me to ovulate and finally get pregnant.

January 1, 2004 - I gave birth to my daughter, Maggie. That September I started having chest pains and became paranoid that there was something very wrong with me. I worried about dying young and leaving my children, to the point of waking up in the middle of the night worrying, fretting, sobbing. Halloween weekend, I experienced the first of several panic attacks. It was horrible, painful, literally physically painful. Even now it's difficult to write about and describe.

The worst part about panic attacks are that eventually you become very afraid of having one and you start to cut yourself off from ANYTHING that might trigger an emotion that might cause an attack. I stopped listening to music, couldn't watch anything on television other than HGTV, Food Network, or stand up comedy. Many days I was too afraid to leave my bedroom. I would take the children to school, come home and go straight to my room and sit there until it was time to pick the kids up from school.

In December I changed doctors. My new doctor recognized the symptoms of Generalized Anxiety Disorder and quickly connected it to the hormone issues and the PCOS, not only that, but she confirmed my suspicions - I lost weight on a low-carb diet and that's the only type of diet I could lose weight on. People with PCOS don't process sugar right... carbs get stored as fat. That's over-simplifying it, but it's basically accurate. My new doctor put me on anti-anxiety meds which I started in February 2005.

Which brings us up to today. I now understand what has happened to me and for the most part, why. Mentally and emotionally - I feel 150% better than I have in years. I'm much more relaxed and calm, I'm enjoying music, television, books, and movies. Most of all, I'm ready to get very serious about losing this weight - because I know how to do it...

My goal is to lose 20 lbs. by June 29th 2005. That's 10 weeks away. We have a great family vacation planned over at the beach for Fourth of July weekend and I think that's a reasonable goal.

My ultimate goal is to lose 50 pounds by my husband's birthday, September 21, 2005. That's 5 months... ten pounds a month, a little over 2 lbs per week. Reasonable.I can do this.