Damn The Farmer's Market... Damn Them!

Ok, it's not their fault. I know... it's me. I visited the Avila Valley Barn yesterday in Avila Beach, CA.

Me and my damned weakness for cherry cobbler. Especially with their granola topping. Fresh cherries, crisp, sweet granola topping... all fresh from the oven. Only someone with a heart of stone and a black hole where their taste buds should be could resist.

I would post a picture... but I'm afraid the carnage we have left behind would be too much for even someone with only a casual interest in good, old-fashioned, hearty desserts to bear. I admit, I've been very bad. But, I don't regret even a single bite of that sweet, tart, summer treat.

How terrible is it that this is supposed to be a weight loss blog and yet I'm discussing sugar-filled baked items while supposedly set into a low-carb lifestyle? It's pretty bad, I admit. But, I also never felt that this should strictly be a "good news" blog about how I'm dropping pounds left and right and am down another size with each post. How ridiculous is that? (Although... how great would that be?) No, I think it's better to just lay it all out the good, the bad, and the fattening. Why the hell not?

BTW - tip here - did you know that heavy cream (not half and half) has no carbs? Yes, it has fat - but that's essentially ok on a low-carb regimen. I use it in my coffee with a sugar-free flavored syrup or just some splenda. I also drizzle it over frozen (or fresh) berries since blueberries, raspberries, and strawberries are so good for you and when used in moderation are totally fine on a low-carb diet.

Now, here is the bad news... unless there is some sort of diet miracle, I won't hit my Aug. 3 goal... which as you may recall, was to lose 8 pounds. :o(

Gotta get back on that horse and watch it (aka no splurging) until I hit that goal.

Lunch With Mom...

I was at my mom's house today we had a "light" lunch. An asian salad with grilled chicken and a mexican salad with grilled chicken. Both were really great... unfortunately, we had chocolate chip cookies (fresh from the oven) for dessert. On the lighter side, we did wash it down with a nice peach tea from Crystal Light.

That almost sounds like the people who order a big mac, large fries, and a diet coke... doesn't it?

Things won't be any better tomorrow, we are going over to San Luis Obispo for the day. It will be cooler and we'll have direct access to home made pies from the Apple Farm. I can feel my rear expanding already. Auuugh!!!!

Going to do the 20 minute Pilates workout tonight... although I am tempted to try the 50 minute workout again, just because it has a longer leg/butt series than the 20 minute workout. I have to admit, I love working my thighs and rear... lift... LIFT... I NEED LIFT!!!

I feel like I have sluffed off a lot lately... it was easier to do this when the kids were in school and I was at my mom's every morning to work out on the Total Gym (which I love!). I never thought I would enjoy working out and I've never been one of those people who is "inspired" by results, but I do like the results I'm getting and I do like how working out makes me feel afterward...

Cutting and Grilling - No Steak Involved

I was having my hair done the other day (a very short cut that I love!) and the lady who does my hair kept grilling me on what I had done to lose so much weight (and to think, I've still got another 20 pounds, minimum, to go!). I explained to her that I was doing a low-carb thing and exercising.

I don't remember how it came up, but she started mentioning fluctuating Seratonin levels. I think this was in reference to chocolate or sugar or something. I explained that I didn't have to worry too much about that because I'm on medication to balance that out - the seratonin, that is. (sugar cravings and chocolate cravings are a whole other ball game) I told her that I had been diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder and depression. She said, "Doesn't everybody have that? I mean, all young mothers have that."

Now, here is what I have come to realize; people do not understand what GAD with Depression really is. Having severe panic attacks where you can't function and have chest pains so bad that you think you are having a heart attack - is not normal. Worrying to the point of not being able to function and not being able to control it - is not normal. And, yes, I absolutely believe that a good deal of this issue can be blamed on postpartum depression aka "hormonal imbalance" as well. Again, I don't have professional medical training on this... but I do know my own body and know this is the case with me.

Weigh In - 6am

That's right... I happened to wake up (thank you 18mos. old monster!) around 6am and after fetching a bottle and doing that normal morning routine I did indeed step on to enemy #1 - the bathroom scale.

Boy was I in for a shock!

I have not been as faithful to my diet or my exercise routine - mainly due to the heat. 109, 108, 107 - is just too hot. And, who the heck wants to eat meat or eggs in that kind of heat? Not I, I'm afraid.

Have kept up with the water and lots of green tea though.

Still... I didn't expect the scale to tell me that I was actually down another pound. Still, I'm happy and certainly am not going to look a gift horse in the mouth. Would you?

It's probably because while I say I'm not sticking to my diet - I'm actually eating a lot less because it's just too damn hot.

Anyway - here it is...

Save Me From Krispy Kreme

It's 105 right now... it's supposed to be 109 tomorrow. We have a heat advisory... and it's poor air quality. I'm retaining more water than a brand new kitchen sponge.

I'm downing ice tea and water like mad... and still not getting the desired effect. ;o)

I'll be placing an order with a lovely little online store this week for several necessities. I found I was losing more weight when I was on Cortislim (I don't know about weight loss in general but between the PCOS and Atkins - Cortislim worked VERY well!).

So, Cortislim is on the list, as is Taurine, and the apple cider vinegar/Cayenne pills. The latter, I found made a wonderful natural diuretic and apple cider vinegar is supposed to have multiple health benefits as well.

I'm also going to do a system detox that is supposed to clean out your digestive system. I feel a good detox is in order because not only am I retaining water, but I'm breaking out horribly. I think it's the heat and the hormone imbalance. But, mainly the heat because I haven't broken out like this in a few years. It's insane!

Obviously, I'm not getting an accurate weight in the mornings because of the water retention, but then, my clothes are fitting better all the time it seems like. So, I know I'm not gaining fat back... still, the scale and I are not on friendly terms these days.

A Summer Place...

I was sitting here mentally composing my next blog post when the faint strains of the theme to "A Summer Place" came through the baby monitor. Even before I saw the movie for the first time (ten or eleven years ago) I always felt that it was a very bittersweet melody. Still do. Hearing that completely threw me off tonight.

It's nearly midnight my time and another weekend has flown by. I've managed to drop a couple of more pounds over the last week. Which means that I have officially lost 24 pounds in about two and half months. Certainly can't complain about that. Although, I still have at least 25 more to go...

My original weight loss goal was 144 but, I'm thinking now that 135 would be better.

DH and I are not getting along very well... I'm not quite sure why, but I have some theories. We haven't spoken much this weekend but we have exchanged some nasty emails, that's always fun. I am fighting the urge to eat everything in the house containing even the smallest fraction of sugar. I know it's part of that nasty stress cycle that's causing this and I know the stress is because of the problems with dh.

All of this is causing the GAD to rear it's ugly head worse than usual. Which reminds me, I need to call in my refill for Lexapro. Splendid. I am getting flashes of last fall when I was having panic attacks fairly regularly. Truth be told, I'm feeling a little depressed too.

Instead of eating the left over peach pie in the fridge and then gorging on the ice cream in the freezer I decided to attempt something a bit more healthy. Yesterday, I used my body mask from Bath and Bodyworks, while it was drying I did some toning exercises. Then I took a long shower and shaved my legs. I actually felt better afterward.

Today things still weren't going very well... so I ate the peach pie. ;o) But, thenI reigned in my cravings and did some exercises, took another shower and used that Neutrogena Micro-Dermabrasion (sp.) system. It works really well, I'm happy with the results!

If things aren't looking better tomorrow - I'll give myself a pedicure and manicure... then I'll paint Kate's nails too!

Holding Fast... By My Toenails!

Had a wonderful, treat-filled, cheat-filled 4th of July weekend. I had chocolate (the real deal), pizza, clam chowder, garlic fries and barbecue.

I didn't give a care... I am setting an awful example, aren't I?

Per Pam's advice (see link in the right column) I kept up with the Taurine, water, etc. When I got home I weighed myself the following morning and found that I was sitting at 164! Not bad. Can't complain considering all the bad stuff I embarrassingly gorged on all weekend.

Still, I have to admit the new version of gorging is hardly anything compared to the old version. The old me stuffed herself until she wanted to puke and then ate some more. It was like living in a giant black-hole of cravings.

Instead, I came away from vacation and back to reality looking forward to leaping back into my old routine. The only part of the routine that I haven't hopped back into is the exercise. Tomorrow I am back on my pilates routine... as any mother probably knows sometimes coming back from vacation is harder than not going at all. The laundry... the house... ugh. So, I haven't been sedentary... just haven't worked out. LOL

Still, I'm happy with how I look and am getting better every day! I can't wait to lose another 20 pounds! I feel so much lighter and healthier from just the 20 I've lost! It's amazing.

I firmly believe in setting smaller goals that lead up to big goals - so my next goal is to lose 8 pounds by my mom's birthday, August 8th... I think that is pretty reasonable. That's 3 1/2 weeks to drop 8 pounds. I can do that!

Shaved A Pound... Maybe Two!

Well, my hard work this week has most likely paid off... I weighed myself this afternoon, after lunch, and only weighed 165... AFTER LUNCH... MIDDAY!!!

I'll update tomorrow when I get a chance to weigh myself first thing in the morning!

I'm getting ready to enjoy the holiday weekend... twenty pounds lighter. I'm thrilled. I'm also not going to be so stressed over my diet this weekend either. Not that I am going to go wild and blow it... if I fudge, I always try to compensate somehow... and I don't go too far with the fudging either.

For example, the other morning I made Maggie (my 18mo. old) some toast with peanut butter. She ate a whole piece and part of another and I took a couple of bites. Literally, just a couple of bites. Now, the old me, would have eaten the rest of the other piece of toast and probably made a couple more slices. So, I consider that another small victory. I've changed my eating habits a lot. They aren't perfect... I still do things I shouldn't, like having coffee, even though I use splenda and whole cream (no carbs).

Fact is, twenty pounds does not fall of by accident! I'm doing something right...

Now... just another 20 - 30 pounds to go. At 145 I'm in the healthy weight range... but I think I'd be happier at 135. I guess I'll cross that bridge when I come to it.